TEEN SUICIDE continued...
don’t receive the approval they crave
from teachers or authority figures, they
often feel hurt, resentment, anxiety,
and anger, which can lead to depres-
sion. (Remember, Freud said that anger
turned inward is depression.)
If you or someone you love
needs help, call 911 or call
the NATIONAL SUICIDE
PREVENTION LIFELINE at
1-800-273-TALK (8255), or visit
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
About Stay Alive
(#StayAliveNow):
Stay Alive is a 75-min-
ute video/podcast documentary
serving at-risk populations. The
program’s two sections, Under-
standing and Helping, deliver
messages of education, compas-
sion, and caring for those who
are in deep despair, along with
guidance for their families and
friends who love them.
Stay Alive is recommended
for individuals, families, schools,
communities, social services,
and churches — anywhere there
is a need. Moderated by Mark
Goulston, MD, participants in
Stay Alive’s intimate and disclos-
ing discussion also include Kevin
Hines, best known as the man
who jumped off the Golden Gate
Bridge and survived (www.kevin-
hinesstory.com), and suicide pre-
vention advocate Rayko (www.
rayko.com). #StayAliveNow
Stay Alive is available on
YouTube, and will be available
on Amazon Prime Video and
other distribution channels free
of charge. For more information,
visit www.stayalivevideo.com.
40 WNY Family July 2019
This resentment comes from look-
ing for love in all the wrong places. It
fuels anxiety, because deep down the
child wants to do something defiant to
get back at the teacher. The resentment
makes the child scared because it flirts
with being out of control. The real de-
sire is to do something destructive, be-
cause they feel hurt.
Kids aren’t learning to cope.
People who can take life’s inevitable
hits reach into themselves when things
get hard and come up with heart. They
are the ones who received the maternal
empathy and comfort that children need,
followed by the paternal reassurance
that everything would be okay. People
who can’t take hits reach in and plum-
met.
Modern teens often reach in and
come up short. Not only are they miss-
ing that initial bonding, but when par-
ents are consumed with achievement
and adrenaline, they often push children
in ways they might not normally have
done. Messages pour in like, It’s your
own fault, or, You can do so much better
than this. This perpetuates the child’s
feeling that they are all alone and not
good enough.
times, they become super achievers.
Some turn to drugs and alcohol, or
other distractions. They start suffering
from “disavowed yearning” —when
kids who didn’t get the support they
needed in infancy convince themselves
that they don’t need that connection
from their parents. Sometimes it can
lead to behavior like drug use. The un-
derlying thought is, See, I don’t need
any of you because I can just take drugs.
The adrenaline rush transfers to
the next generation. Kids, too, become
fully indoctrinated into the adrenaline
junkie culture, focusing on achieve-
ment, still trying to get approval. They
learn to achieve without the emotional
support of their parents. To that, preoc-
cupied parents say, “Good for you,” and
then take credit for being an awesome
parent. This pushes the child ever fur-
ther away and deepens the chasm.
Enter social media. Social media
says, Don’t worry about all the things
you aren’t getting in the world. We are
going to give you something that excites
you. It makes kids feel they don’t have
to feel powerless, vulnerable, frustrated,
and angry. Suddenly they feel invin-
cible, focused, confident, and in total
control. (Again, this excitement creates
adrenaline, which masks the pain.)
They look for relief in the wrong
places. Sadly, the parental preoccupa-
tion remains. As these children grow up
feeling unworthy of attracting their par-
ents’ attention and approval, they throw
themselves into anything that distracts
from the pain. Social media perpetuates the prob-
lem by creating a lack of emotional
bonding. Instead of forging real rela-
tionships, teens bond with influencers
and fake personalities. It allows them
to create their own alternate identity. It
exacerbates the feeling that they are not
good enough (compared to everyone
else’s great life). It discourages social
relationships and the ability to bond
with others.
Sometimes it’s achievement, as
that’s what makes their adrenaline junk-
ie parents smile. They make themselves
crazy to achieve, as they think maybe
then their parents will connect. But this
doesn’t really satisfy their need for ap-
proval and connection. The parents
aren’t paying attention to who the kid
really is; they’re just getting a buzz from
their child’s accomplishments. Some- Parents and kids collude to avoid
feeling the pain. Parents too suffer from
a lack of bonding. Everyone’s collective
solution is to just stay busy (so the feel-
ings will go away). We push to keep the
adrenaline high, because when you have
a crash, you get ADD and lose your fo-
cus. You lose everything. So you’ll do
anything to maintain the adrenaline high
and avoid feeling those negative feel-