Self-sabotage 158 Some people sabotage their potential success at whatever they want to do because they don’ t feel entitled to the end result. Why might someone unconsciously feel they don’ t deserve something that consciously they want? In essence, this particular form of success stress has to do with self-worth – how much you value yourself. Remember Pat’ s story? Basically she had been given the self-image in her formative years that she was not worthy of looking good. Worse, it was something to hide. As she would approach her goal weight her unconscious would say,‘ Sorry we can’ t get that slim because then we will be in trouble.’ And then the rebound over-eating would set in. One of the more common success – self-worth mismatches that sabotages weight loss occurs when the person sees being slim as meaning they will have to compete. This is a major problem for people who have used their weight as an excuse to avoid certain situations. One of my clients, Tom, a single 39-year-old paralegal, admitted that because of his weight he avoided social situations where he might meet a member of the opposite sex. These social settings are highly competitive as boy has to outperform other boys to get girl. On further exploration he realized that he also avoided competing at work to the extent that he had underachieved all his life. He realized that losing weight would deprive him of a reason to not compete on these two fronts. For Tom, being overweight nicely complimented his unconscious belief that to avoid the pain of embarrassment, he should not compete. Finally, Tom understood why he so frequently sabotaged his weight-loss plans. By working on his fear of competing directly, he could allow himself to lose weight as it was no longer needed as an excuse for not competing. Could something like this be an issue for you? A common equivalent scenario for women is that deep down they fear that if they lose weight they will then have to compete with other more attractive women in the workplace or in social settings. Not losing weight avoids the risk of failing in these situations.