Self-sabotage 157 work when there is a conscious-unconscious goal mismatch. The success – self-worth mismatch There are lots of specific reasons why we do not finish what we set out to do in life. One of my more insightful female friends recently observed that men seem to avoid trying things for fear of failure, while women are more likely to avoid trying for fear of success. Is success stress more of an issue for women? Is failure fear more of a male problem? I’ m not sure and I haven’ t seen any research on it. But it is an interesting idea. Certainly, historically, society expected men to be the leaders, to be successful, at least until women’ s lib left us blokes feeling a little superfluous. I think that may be changing. While it is not always the case, I see people( clients, friends and acquaintances) who tend to avoid starting a project because of failure fear and avoid finishing because of success stress. In this section I want to drill down further on some of the causes of success stress by looking at the success – self-worth mismatch. I remember being stunned to hear that a couple of my peers had dropped out of our six-year medical degree only a few months before graduation. It was like a long distance runner stopping and sitting down so close to the finishing line he could almost reach out and touch it, but refusing to do so. At the time I could not comprehend it. Now, twenty something years later, I know the kind of thing that might have been happening for those guys because I have now witnessed it many times – in myself as well as others. They were about to become something that did not fit with their deeper self-image, or something they did not feel they deserved to be. As their graduation loomed they realized that it was much easier to avoid a life as a doctor, if you did not want to be one, if you failed the course than if you completed it.