Best of luck to you both - you'll need it,
Advice Kitty
Dear Advice Kitty
I've had some wonderful experiences and made many good friends in SL. However, I finding myself getting upset when certain friends spend time with other people exclusive of me.
Everyone else seems to have a very open view of SL relationships. But even over time it still bothers me. How can I learn to deal with these jealousies? Am I just not cut out for relationships in SL?
Jaded and Jealous
Dear Jealous,
Yours truly came into SL with grand ideas of monogamy. And after two monogamous relationships ended in "infidelity," I started to rethink monogamy in SL.
Before I jumped into open relationships myself, I went to my SL friends actively involved in happy polygamous relationships and talked to them. My belief was they did not experience jealous feelings. This was a mistaken belief. All of them admitted to some measure of jealousy while a mate spent time with others, exclusive of them.
Men and women both admitted to these feelings but used different words to explain the feelings. What they all had in common, were coping mechanisms in place when the feelings arose.
First, there was a relaxed acceptance of the feelings when they occur. Many of them used the word jealous in a heavily negative connotation and instead described their feelings as "selfish" or "possessive." Jealous implies the feelings could overwhelm them and cause them to respond or act out. Using other words gave them permission to pause and process the situation before responding.