ing for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance
to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions.
Confrontational (win or lose, blaming)
5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) +
tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.
Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming)
“The medium is the message” => the way the message is
delivered is the message itself.
Giving in (passive, submissive)
Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal)
6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue,
topic or conflict at hand, has been “filtered” by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of
behaviour / actions.
Listening and Feedback
Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify
communication.
Someone who’s not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact.
Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two
people argue, they only hear “what they want to hear”, not
what’s actually said. This equates to the accusation of “not
listening”. Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes
are arguing about the way they are arguing.
Don’t argue when you’re angry - you will not be able to listen
objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach
the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of
mind.
It’s important to give feedback - checking and confirming.
Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I
heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal /
non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No
feedback is in itself a form of feedback.
If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to
believe the actions!
Conflict Resolution
Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.
Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution
process:
Avoidance (denial, withdrawal)
Constructive Style - trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:
Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)
Accommodate (open discussion, communication without
confrontation)
Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty)
When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as
you will probably share many of the same goals despite of
your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each
party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.
When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may
run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to
work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up
each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method
useful:
1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about the issue that caused it to start in the first
LIFE
U.S. SERVICE
PIKES PEAK REGION
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