THE YOUTHING MAGAZINE the SUM-IT-UP issue | Page 10

comrade's diary
by tonny ogwa
3rd 2019,
If you are the keen nitty gritty observing type then you've
prolly noticed that the month is conspicuously missing
from that date above. Well, let's just say I don't know
what month it is, and I'm not even trying to be figurative
here. Also this is my diary, so I can write whatever it is I
want. Wink.
I do remember 3rd though. Not because 3 is my favorite
number or the birth date of one my benevolent
ancestors. No. I'm not even the 3rd born of my father's 12
known children. But I do digress.
Now 3rd is that time of the month when all your
lecturers are suddenly demanding assignments you
don't even remember them giving in the first place.
3rd is that date your friend with benefits texts you of
the many things she has missed which excludes you
and surprisingly includes periods- periodic table or
something, I don't know.
Now today is 3rd and the land Lady knows this too
judging from the swift reversion into her vile narcissistic
self that's suppose to serve as an indication of a rent
overdue. Early this morning she told me to quit leaving
my extra large blue crocks outside my door because
they are scaring her kids. And yesterday I overheard her
referring to me as the boy with the hideous jacket in her
banter with mama mboga who apart from being the
mother of a very pretty girl, I also owe 5 dollars for the
skuma and avocado I've been ferrying from her stall this
past month.
I admit though that my expensive black leather jacket
isn't the kind of jacket that would be elected as an
Instagram influencer or even included in the BBI report.
No. But it's cool. It makes me look cool and I love it and
lots of other humans have loved me as a result of this
jacket. Including my immediate former girlfriend Donna.
And their we go again! Donnata always finds a way into
everything I do despite having dumped me six months
ago. She's like a little creepy cricket or one of those bad
things you just can't seem to shake off. Like playing
FIFA (I never win any match unless I'm playing alone).
Or cockroaches. Do you know of anyone who has ever
succeeded in eliminating roaches from their campus
rooms? Anyone? See, no one.
These little bastards are impossible to get rid of. You just
got to learn to cohabit and pray to your ancestors that
one day the roaches may man up grow up and see it
wise to move out and find a place of their own.
Also roaches aren't necessarily that bad bad. My roaches
have been helping me improve my shooting skills. I'm
now like a sharp shooter. You never know when one
day you will need to shoot something, or somebody....
In my case Donnata if she doesn't stop telling every girl I
get close to that I have a toothpick for eating chips.
You see, Donnata and I met as freshers. Even to be more precise,
we met on the admission line two years ago when the world was
new and fishes flew in golden pond. Only that the pond was Kisii
University and fishes was Donnata and yours truly. She was two
people ahead of me on the line and had this thick full blond hair
(or horse hair I'm not sure) that looked really good. Like a squirre's
tail. And then she complemented my black leather jacket. Said
it had the taste of fine wine. And since I bought the jacket in my
own image, she was directly saying that I was fine like a fine
wine, donge? We hit it off immediately. Few days later we were
couple goals around campus. Yaani we were that adorable. The
cameras didn't just love us, it made us fairy prince and princess
and asked to meet our ancestors.
I was so smitten that I even begun doing this that are considered
an abomination in my village just to impress Donnata. Things
like going to the gym. You see, I wanted to be like one of those
cool dudes who sweat it out lifting heavy metals in a comfortable
room in the company of their smiling girlfriends. It didn't work out
for me though and after two days, I decided that Donnata would
have to love me the way I was. Without the gym of course.
It turns out she didn't. Donnata continued going to the gym even
after I stopped. A few days later she texted me in less than 5
words calling it quits. She was now dating the gym instructor, a
beastly guy with those scary beards that connect. He has been
in the university for 8 years now and is yet to graduate. Donnata
even sent me picture of them together captioning it with," I hope
you're cool with this. It's not you it's me."
Imagine the audacity. I was brocken. And I think I might have
described to her in a very long text the suffering and gnashing of
teeth that will befall her for what she did to me. I also probably
added a few quotes from that book in the Bible. Yeah the book
of Solomon.
And then she insulted my jacket. The same black leather jacket.
Said it reminded her of the ugly potbellied sponsor she was
moving around with while pretending to date me. I wasn't even
hurt. Okey I was hurt terribly. She insulted my jacket! The one
thing I bought in my image blessed that it may be cool. And
Donnata and the landlady just trushed it without a care.
Now dear Diary, I'm sure you'll never insult my jacket. But I have
a class now so I'll have to catch up with you later. Till tomorrow.
Adios.