Proof of the month
11
Proof of Quantum Bangles?
As is clearly plain to our average reader, the above proof is so elegant and clearly laid out it needs little introduction or interpretation.
Written in only 15 minutes and 5 packets of scientific grade children's chalk, this piece by Prof. C Mϋncher of Cal Tech displays his latest finding on the field of quantum bangles. Much hype has been generated over this controversial field and huge ground has been covered toward its proof over the past few years.
Quantum bangles state that bangles worn by any two friends are always linked in state and time, despite the distance of the wearers.
This effect, however, has not been observed in loom bands, thus sparking fierce debate over the theory's principles.
If proven it is expected to revolutionise the armband industry and bring together a unified theory of "BFF".
Sir, you are this week's SJIS Proof of the Month winner and will receive the customary "Golden Chalk" award, quantumly worming its way to your University mail box in the proceeding aeons.
The great experiment
To truly understand the nature of the universe and create the coprolitic theory of everything I have chosen a random hydrothermal vent, coincidently near a nice tropical island, where I will pilot an ROV to the seabed and sample the coprolites there. It was once said by the great coprolitic logician Coprolicus (2020 BC) that if all you had seen was a single dropping then you could deduce the presence of the oceans, or something along those lines. Therefore I can save a lot of effort, and holiday time, by just taking a couple of samples.
I will now summarise my initial findings and hypotheses: Then a wizard came and cast a spell on them all taking them to Chocoworld. There they met with Punchitmon, Sea-CucumberBob TriangularPants, Justin Bebop, Morgan Freedmen and all my other favourite non-copyright infringing characters from TV. The wizard gave them all ice-cream then they danced around to Flop by Toulene. Then Superguy saved them all and they flew to the castle where they all married princesses and had a party. The end by Baby Bell age 6.
References
Bell, J. 2013. A brief history of coprology. First Edition. Southampton, Self-Published.
Coprolicus. 2020 BC. A book of wise sayings and logical deductions based on the great works of Ugvere Coprolite. First Edition. Croydon, Monks.
Curatington, M. 2010. A quick inventory of the specimens contained in the world’s museums. Proceedings of the Historical Society of International History, 98, 12-16.
Hafford, G. 6238 BC. On how our aerial brethren produce yon honourable poopy. Natural philosophy of early mankind, 6 (2), 4-8.
Noad, T. and Jeffries, L. 1887. The waste products of non-animated organisms. Journal for obscure sciences, 44 (1), 20-28.
Yarlett, R. 1993. The fascinating field of microbiology: a toddler’s perspective. The junior scientist, 87 (12), 16-32.
Yu, J. 1893. Energy budgets of aquatic organisms. Journal of real science, 12 (4), 8-10.
Figure 1: Coprolite sampling - one of the foundation stones of the ancient art of coprology.