Original Research
The effects of The Scientific Journal of International Science on its readership
Warren, Z*
*SJIS [email protected]
Philosophers have long since debated over whether reading certain publications have any impact on intelligence (Deacon, 1892). Others have gone further in suggesting that other attributes (such as health, eloquence, physical strength, attractiveness, ability to converse with the spirit realm, eye for fashion, kindness, eye colour, and many more) could be affected by reading different works (Gould, 2006). Well, we here at the Scientific Journal of International Science wanted to find out if any of that was even remotely true and, more importantly, if the SJIS had any impact on people’s lives.
Methodology
To conduct these experiments men and women who were untainted by society were required. Fortunately a colony of wildlings lives in the grounds of SJIS headquarters so they were rounded up. Two teams of SJIS employees were sent into the grounds. One team had pots, pans and other implements, which made a loud noise when clashed together, to flush the wildlings out of their nests. The other team carried nets and to catch them when they tried to flee.
The wildlings were kept in two of the basement rooms in SJIS headquarters. One room of wildlings were kept as they are, with occasion food and water provided to ensure their survival. The other room of wildlings were taught to read and provided with copies of the SJIS. Every month all the wildlings were measured for a variety of attributes.
This may seem unethical to some of the more sensitive among you, but remember this is truly important work so it will all be worthwhile in the end. Plus some of those wildlings learnt to read and were given free copies of SJIS so it couldn’t have been all bad. Anyway, our work here was ethical as we rigorously followed the guide lines set out in Baron, 1532.
Image courtesy of Victor Habbick / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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