Ask The Editors
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Ask The Editors
Have you got a burning question or terrifying abuse to hurl at the team at SJIS?
Well now's your chance to get all that off your chest. Send in your questions and we will do our best to respond or ignore them as we see fit.
A few lucky individuals may even get the honour of having their question featured in the correspondence section of this great journal.
What are you waiting for? Send in your words now!
I was rudely awoken by a low thrumming sound all throughout the spacecraft’s superstructure. I could no longer see the Infinitum Amphitheatre outside the windows as a maelstrom of churning space-time filled the view. After a further ten minutes the scene outside the windows resolved itself to a scintillating starscape. Professor Calzone announced we were no longer in the Milky Way and had arrived in the Large Magellanic Cloud. Unfortunately I had left my star charts and astral navigation aids in my office so had no way to check her claims were true. That did not stop her enthusiastically pointing out the window at various celestial features. Soon we returned to the International University of Essex and were given several leaflets and pens to advertise their company.
Whilst walking around some of the exhibits I stumbled into a shifty looking fellow dressed in a long beige coat and a wide-brimmed sou’wester. As he went to apologise I realised it was none other than Dr Matthew Couldrey (who was featured in last issue’s ‘Scientist in the Spotlight’), the famed, and very outspoken (to the point of aggression), marine biologist. Seeing who I was, he opened his coat to reveal a selection of rather dog-eared books and proceeded to ply me with his latest manuscript: ‘For the Love of Marine Biology!’ I politely declined, informing him that I already knew all there is to know about Earth-bound biology and was only interested in space biology, but he would not let up. Eventually I gave in and bought a copy, if only to keep him away from me. As soon as the transaction was complete he ran after his next unsuspecting customer.
Dr Erica Jameson’s lecture on the new branch of capital numbers was one of the best talks I have attended in recent years. A whole new field of mathematics has been opened up allowing much more enlightened interrogation and modelling of the universe, as well as enabling people to create far more secure passwords. The good doctor opened by demonstrating how all our current numbers are in fact lower case and that each integer has an equivalent in the upper case. Of course her highly detailed mathematical explanations made perfect sense to my high-powered brain; however I don’t have the room in this article to explain it to our readers.
The winner of the ‘Household Science, Technology and Feng Shui Award’ was Dr Robert Yarlett’s ‘Grow your own home’ technology. His exhibit demonstrated his work on land corals, which can be trained like garden shrubs to grow into any shape imaginable, and even a few shapes that are unimaginable. I was so impressed I bought four house seeds, which, when planted and watered with the appropriate activation chemicals, will grow into new highly auspicious homes. Soon I will be able to move out of the converted electrum mine in the grounds of SJIS HQ the Supreme-editor-in-chief so kindly rents out to me and take my first tentative steps up the housing ladder.
As you can see, even from this brief glimpse, the International Symposium on International Science was an enthralling and highly educational few days. From the attendance levels, the extraordinary number of positive reviews and the profit, the Supreme-editor-in-chief of the SJIS has decided to host the conference annually. Look out for advertisements for next year’s dates and book early to ensure that you have secured your place.
"We were no longer in The Milky Way... We had arrived in The Large Magellanic Cloud."
The copy of "For the Love of Marine Biology" I bought from Dr Matthew Couldrey himself. It's a life-changing read, though I'm not sure it's for the better...