Columns
M
CHILDLESS MARRIAGE
y husband and I have been married for four years and we have been trying for a baby ever since. The problem is my, mother-in-law has been talking to my husband behind my back telling him that he needs to try and get a second wife to have a baby with because I have failed to give him one. She told him that she needed to see her grandchild before she dies. My husband has been very patient and understanding and has even told me everything that his mother is saying. My worry is now if I do not conceive any time soon, my husband will succumb to the pressure that he is getting from his mother. Tell me, what should I do? Ashley, Malrborough.
VaChihera’s answer I’m so proud of you, you chose to do the right thing and you need to stick to the decision that you made. Your sister’s husband is just making empty threats of throwing you out of his house so that you can fall prey to his trap. He will have to find a very good reason to convince your sister to throw you out of their home of which he will never find one. You need to stay away from him as much as possible and try to interact with him when there are a lot of people so that you avoid isolated incidents of being alone with him. If he continues to harass you, then you will have to report the matter to the responsible authorities.
VaChihera’s answer It is good that you have an understanding husband who is very supportive. However, I suggest that you and your partner visit your local fertility clinic and get the necessary help and advice from the experts. It could be a minor problem which could be solved easily so that you can be able to conceive. Also bear in mind that in our African culture, when a marriage is childless for a long time, the woman is always blamed. So do not listen to all that negative talk, concentrate on getting professional help. Children are a gift from God and when the time is right, you will surely be blessed with one.
W
I DON’T BELONG
e are a group of four ladies. My friends are married to men who have nice jobs and expensive cars and beautiful houses. When we were still at school, things were great. We were all on the same level and understood each other. Now our tastes have changed. I don’t know if it’s because of my friends’ new lifestyles. I don’t enjoy spending time with them anymore. Whenever they want us to get together, they choose to go to an expensive resort or restaurant. Is it wrong not to spend time with them? I love them but I feel like I don’t belong with them anymore. Deseree, Houghton Park. VaChihera’s answer There are a few things at play here – Their lavish lifestyle as well as your sense of needing to keep up with them. It would be a shame if their material focus meant you lost the friendship you’ve had over many years. However, it seems they have become shallow as their focus is on material things. Very simply it’s wrong not to want to spend time with them. We can grow away from some friends and towards others who are more similar to us because we relate better to them. I’m not saying that every time you meet, it will feel like a party but if the time you spend with then is less and less enjoyable, then maybe it’s time for a change. Remember the saying “people come into your life for a season or a reason”. Focus on the reason they were in your life and not so much on the things you’re not happy with right now. If you choose to move on, remember them with love.
I
Page 62
CONFUSED AND TERRIFIED
am a young lady aged 17 and have been staying with my sister and her husband for 2 years. She took me in after both our parents died in a car accident. My sister works for an NGO and sometimes goes out of town to do outreach work. The problem that I’m facing now is my sister’s husband has been making some advances towards me. He told me that when my sister goes away, I should make sure that he is taken care of. At first I was confused then later on he explained that I should cook for him and that when my sister is away, I should sleep in the master bedroom with him. I told him that I love my sister very much and I would never betray her trust. After I told him that, he has been extremely moody and also he threatened to throw me out of his house. I am so afraid because I have nowhere to go. Please help. Tsitsi, Mutare.
The Parade - Zimbabwe’s Most Read Lifestyle Magazine
February 2013