... continued from pg 13
STEP THREE:
Drama Extravaganza!
Once you’ve firmly established where everyone fits within your gossip circle, it’s time to finish her off.
1.Start by creating a list of things she’s ever shared about herself with you, exaggerating the most embarrassing and personal aspects. Bring these all up in front of her while at a social function with your mutual acquaintances, in an email including her and all of your mutual acquaintances, or better yet, on a social networking site where her family can be involved in your show of power. The target (who still thinks you are her friend) will be shocked and hurt by your accusations, but may regain her senses relatively quickly and try to defend herself. At a social setting, this can work to your advantage as you can simply point out that she must be off her medication, again. TIP: When outing the target through a social networking site or sending her nasty email messages, remember to include all mutual friends in themessage , but BLOCK or delete the target so she has no way to justify or explain herself. That way, it will look like she isn’t disagreeing with all the stuff you’re telling people!
2.Include your family, spouse and children too. Tell your parents and siblings that the bitch was trying to seduce your husband. After all, just because you complain regularly that he’s a short, fat, balding lech doesn’t mean someone else won't find him desirable. Go ahead and tell your children that the target isn’t your friend anymore because her children have diseases (ie: cooties, puberty, gay, etc). Bribery with food, veiled threats or empty promises are a good way to manipulate your offspring to abandon friends. While it’s frowned upon to openly encourage your children to target HER children, if you talk about them and look the other way or laugh when your children start gossiping, it’s perfectly acceptable. WARNING: Be cautious when involving children in the gossip game. If your children (or those of your team mates) were/are friends with the children of the target, you may have mini-snitches on your hands that have an inside look they will gladly share with their friends/AKA children of the target.
3.Even people who are not mutual acquaintances may some day encounter the target, so to make yourself the ultimate gossip queen, you can’t just stop once you’ve excluded the bitch from your mutual social circle. Ensure that the target’s potential friendships are shadowed by doubt and suspicion by including them in stories at social functions, throwing out random comments while dropping names and bringing up artificial drama from time to time whenever you get the chance. NOTE: This is also a great time to find your next target from your collection of sheep by creating the impression that you’ve been victimized, and catering to the sheep’s need to feel included and special.
Written by Lois D. Nominator
why I hate you
you are thinner than me
you have a happy marriage
you kids are well adjusted and well behaved
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