The Happiness Lab Delegate's Guide Chapter 4 — Friends & Family | Page 5

Accusation
Harmful conversations begin with a harsh
exchange of accusation and sarcasm: it’s all your
fault!
Criticism
Quite quickly the character of the other person
involved is attacked. This often feels like war.
Defensive stance
Then comes: “It’s not my fault, it’s you; you’re the
one to blame.”
Contempt
Those involved in the conversation feel contempt
for each other. It isn’t long before people are rolling
their eyes at each other and having a look of disgust
about them.
Stonewalling
Not listening to what the other person is saying or
just walking out of the room while they are talking.
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Active listening is…
more than simply listening to the words of the
person speaking not waiting for the other person to breathe so that
you can jump in with what you have to say
hearing the deeper meaning contained in the words
being spoken sharing in the suspense of what is being said
focussing on the whole person speaking
Destructive chat
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causing the person speaking to leave feeling as if
they have been heard.