The Happiness Lab Delegate's Guide Chapter 4 — Friends & Family | Page 5

Accusation Harmful conversations begin with a harsh exchange of accusation and sarcasm: it’s all your fault! Criticism Quite quickly the character of the other person involved is attacked. This often feels like war. Defensive stance Then comes: “It’s not my fault, it’s you; you’re the one to blame.” Contempt Those involved in the conversation feel contempt for each other. It isn’t long before people are rolling their eyes at each other and having a look of disgust about them. Stonewalling Not listening to what the other person is saying or just walking out of the room while they are talking. 45 Active listening is… more than simply listening to the words of the person speaking not waiting for the other person to breathe so that you can jump in with what you have to say hearing the deeper meaning contained in the words being spoken sharing in the suspense of what is being said focussing on the whole person speaking Destructive chat 04 causing the person speaking to leave feeling as if they have been heard.