addressed the pain, instead, I stuffed it down with cocaine, Little Debbie snack cakes, or denial it ever happened. I think denial was a way for me to be able to coexist with the pain of each abortion because had it been front and center, it would have eaten me alive like a flesh-eating bacteria.
We all grieve differently and in our own timing, but we MUST allow ourselves the space to grieve and process or we will never feel free. Although I’m sad Eliana was only here four short years, she taught me so many lessons in life. She taught me patience because her disabilities were severe and you could not rush her care or her progress. She taught me awareness of the disabled community by educating me on the necessity of handicap parking spaces, letting a wheelchair bound person cut in line, and by allowing me to learn compassion through walking the walk with her. I am a better person because of my sweet little darling, she pushed me to be better every day. When I had fear of promoting my book, speaking my story on a stage or being transparent with my wrongdoings, she was the light that guided me because I knew I had experiences to help others that weren’t able to help themselves, for one reason or another. She pushed me to do more for myself, take better care of myself and stop procrastinating because I lived through watching her fight every day to live, even though she could never do anything on her own. Eliana will be known as a superhero that was placed on Earth as a blessing, even though it is hard to see her death as such. I found victories to focus on in lieu of losses.