was where I landed with my two children. A city where you were poor, uneducated, had several children, sold drugs, used them, or were debited to those that provided some form of it to you. Handouts and assistance were prevalent through any church or entity that kept people living day-to-day. I was where my internal and external scars were visible, but I blended in well since this was normal to be in those situations. I was no longer that girl that could play with dolls and makeup and I had to grow up fast! Although I had to grow up, I did not want to be like them and accept their normal as I did not belong there. I was different and would find a way that would allow me to do the opposite of what was normal in that city. I made it my goal to be the opposite of what the stereotypical scenarios were in Camden City. I would not be the same as those other single parents; on welfare, poor, uneducated, and with no hopes or dreams of becoming somebody or doing something positive with their lives. I was not going to allow my children to carry a negative consequence because of the choices and decisions I had made. These choices had consequences and the questions were "Do I stay and raise them, or do I abandon them and let the system raise them?" I was young and inexperienced and didn't know how to raise two children.
They required much attention as all children do. What could I do since at times I felt alone and helpless? Could I even do this? Who was going to help me and how could I parent when I too was feeling unable and unsupported? In a cold and unsympathetic world where I was forced to raise children alone and with no direction in life, where was the comfort I needed, and who would be helping me? I didn't know but what I did know, was that I was dealing with my issues of abandonment from my father and I was not going to be like him! However, that still didn't stop the feelings of inadequacy I felt when, rather than finding someone who is the opposite of who my father was, I chose a man who was the same as my father and who abandoned them. We were left to live without their love and support. How did I overcome this trauma all over again of a second abandonment? It wasn't easy but I managed to break the cycle. I paved the way for creating the impossible, possible. That me who thought she would skid through life "scuff-free", was no longer there. It was time to roll up my sleeves and dive into a world of many uncertainties.
As we know, children don't stay young forever and like me, their innocence is lost. Children aren't asked to be brought into this world but when they do, they seek to be raised by their parents and loved unconditionally! As