adults, it is our responsibility to provide them with their basic needs. How do we go about doing that as this is not an easy task nor do they come with instructions? We also at times, drag the inner luggage that we either keep closed or deeply embedded, we forget we have it there. That traumatic past will always be a part of our lives and can cause triggers that will impact any decisions we make. The first thing we must do is to acknowledge that it's there, to process it, and move forward. Although this is difficult to do, we must recognize that it is going to impact how we parent if we do not understand that it is a part of who we are. It does not make us dysfunctional but rather human. So how does this play into parenthood you ask? Well in my life as a single parent, it goes like this.
As there are two sides to a coin, there were two sides to the reality of what being a single parent would be like. There was the side where I was forced to grow up and make decisions based on "trial and error." I had two choices and they were that I was going to do it or I was not. I was bringing another life into this world and with that came all of the responsibilities of child-rearing; a child crying, laughter, sickness, not getting enough sleep because your child is sick or had a long homework assignment that you had to help him with and you did not understand it. Feelings of helplessness because I didn't have enough food to eat or I didn't know how I was going to ensure that my children would have their next meal. These were those stressful situations for me, and I did not think that I could handle this. I felt incapable and struggled many times. I questioned my ability to parent since it was not working out in my favor. Money, as is today, has always played a role in determining the "who" and "what" in decisions and was a vital factor in those outcomes. I didn't know where or how I was going to create an environment where food would not be scarce, and I would have enough for all three of us. What I did know was that it was no longer "I" in the equation. I was responsible for them and reality set it even more when I realized that I could not leave them as they required 24-hour supervision and a lot of hands-on interaction.
Children require a lot of time as they need to be fed, bathed, clothed, played with, and attended to. For a single parent, this was overwhelming and the reality that I was living. I could have avoided this responsibility, but consequences would have followed. You see, I wanted to be an actress when I was growing up. I had goals and