THEGAYUK APRIL/MAY ISSUE 3
Linda, a 55 years old mother
from Glasgow, Scotland. Linda
has two now-adult children her
daughter Julie, 37 years old and
her son Darren, 34 years old.
Tell us, how did you Come Out to your
children?
Mine had a whole load of baggage built in;
my relationship with my adult children was
affable but inevitably affected by their
marred childhood. And it was, thanks to a
violently bipolar father, and a mother who
must have appeared to pay more attention to
him than to them.
Difficult to cite diversionary tactics, although
this was often true; he was perfectly capable of
inflicting cruelty on them to make me suffer;
obvious confrontation gave him power. Not
the whole story, of course; I admit that I was a
dutiful and pragmatic parent, rather than the
sort of warm, cuddly mother that my own
mum was .
So after my husband's death and my
subsequent ecstatic love affair with my
beautiful partner, it became apparent that I
would need to tell the kids.
I dreaded it.
I prepared. Rehearsed. Lost sleep. Imagined
worst-case scenarios. But it had to be done;
I'm gay, whatever their reaction, I told myself;
and I can't keep it secret forever. This was at a
moment when diplomatic channels were open
and the climate looking propitious for the
announcement, but that almost made it
worse, in that there was so much more to lose.
Things will always be tricky. But these things
have to be worked at, and at least hailing
frequencies are open.
What were you worried about before
you Came Out?
I feared yet another barrier to add to the
issues they already had with their father and
me as parents.
72
LINDA’S STORY
2014
REAL LIFE
How old were your
children when you Came
Out to them?
Julie was 29 and Darren was
27.
Has it made you closer to
your children?
No, we're not closer. I'm on
good terms with both, but
there are always underlying
reservations.
Neither of them is
homophobic, but bear in
mind that even liberal
children can be shocked to
think that their parents
actually have sex - eeeeeew! let alone a form of sex with
which they may not be too
familiar!
Have any of your children
told their friends or
partner about your
sexuality?
I told Julie’s partner. He was
totally cool with it. Darren my
son presumably told his wife.
Both children's partners have
always been supportive and
affectionate. I have no idea
w h e t h e r m y c h i l d r e n
have told their friends;
possibly not, since my being a
l e s b i a n h a s n e v e r b e e n
considered a suitable topic for
conversation with them.
They wouldn't hide it if
asked, but as I don't present
as particularly butch and visit
rarely, I'd be surprised if
anyone would be that
interested.