The lodger contacted all my
friends on Facebook and told
them the same things. I had
to get a harassment order,
but by that time the damage
had been done.
I didn’t know any of this until
I got a call from my expartner who said: ‘You’ve got
a real problem. Janet knows
everything.’ The ex-partner
explained what had gone on.
I didn’t have any contact with
any of them: David, Janet or
my ex-wife for three weeks, it
was horrendous. I didn’t
know what was going on in
their heads. It was awful.
My ex-wife eventually invited
me round to dinner to break
the ice; things are much
better now.
What were you worried
about before you Came
Out?
The opportunity for me to tell
them in my time was taken
away from me in really brutal
circumstances – and I still
feel very bitter when I think
about it. I have always been
worried that my children may
judge me, and that it would
somehow make me less of a
parent. I had always had a
brilliant relationship with
both my children, and didn’t
want that destroyed.
How old were your
children when you Came
Out to them?
David and Janet were 24 and
22 when my ex-lodger
decided to tell them about
me. I still haven’t been able
to discuss any of this with
them.
I still find it
difficult at
times. I don’t
call myself a
‘gay dad.’
I’m just a
dad.
Janet has said since said that
they knew that I was gay,
and that my ex-partner and I
had been a couple as well. It
was the shock in the way
that they were told.
Has it made you closer
to your children?
I’ve always been a very
hands-on dad. When they
were younger I was probably
the principal parent. I was
the one who always went to
parents evenings, took them
camping, we used to do a
huge amount together. We
have always been close.
David has met my new
partner, introduced as a
friend. But I have no doubt
that he will have put two and
two together.
Have any of your
children told their
friends or partner about
your sexuality?
When Janet told her friends,
they were really sweet. A lot
of them said: ‘Oh I always
knew your dad was gay.
Don’t worry about it.’
David, my son, has gay
friends. He’s very nonjudgemental.
I’m very proud of both of
them.
Have they spoke to you
about how they felt
when you Came Out to
them?
When it all happened Janet
was very bitter and angry.
She felt I’d lied. She felt that
she’d been stuck with this
problem while David was
travelling.
David’s response was very
touching and moving. He
was still away travelling
when it all happened and his
response was: ‘Just make
sure that dad is happy.’
They’re fine now but we’ve
never talked about it
properly. I think it will come
to a point where I have to
talk about it with them. I
don’t know what they are
thinking and that’s the
difficult thing. But they talk
a lot about my ex-partner.
It’s almost as if they think
that that’s acceptable but I’m
not sure that anything else is
yet.
Did you access any
sources of support
before or after Coming
Out to them?
I had two sets of counselling:
one from the GP and one
from GMI Partnership. GMI
Partnership offers sexual
health and sexuality
counselling and is run by
volunteers. I had an amazing
woman counsellor there who
helped me enormously.
I still find it difficult at
times. I don’t call myself a
‘gay dad.’ I’m just a dad.
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