Have they spoke to
you about how they
felt when you Came
Out to them?
As I gather from other
people, individual
children will take it
differently, and so it
proved. The elder, Julie
claimed that it had been
a matter of conjecture
for some time, and that
the news was neither a
bombshell nor any big
deal.
The younger Darren
operates on two levels: a
saying level and a
thinking level. Once I
made it clear that my
partner was not a 70sstyle, aggressive,
possessive, stuff-itdown-your-throat
stereotype, the saying
level was cautiously
satisfied. Unfortunately,
despite an outwardly
liberal stance, I believe
that his thinking
level may have sustained
another degree of
separation.
Did you access any
sources of support
before or after
Coming Out to them?
No. I cope with my own
sh*t, apart from sharing
(some of) it with my
partner. I internalise. I
also write, which is an
excellent form of
therapy!
What advice would
y ou giv e t o ot her
parents thinking
about Coming Out to
their children?
(a) Do it.
(b)If geographically
possible, do it by stealth.
Condition the kids to
being used to seeing you
with your friend,
introduce the partner to
family occasions,
Christmas dinner etc.,
till the assumption of
partnership
is
subliminally planted.
Then mention something
in passing that will leave
them in no doubt, and
move on, as if it were a
given.
The big, dramatic
announcement is
something I would avoid,
if I had to do it again!
Of course, if you've
discovered your sexuality
but don't have a partner,
telling the kids that
you're just off down to
the leather bar or lesbian
singles night could be a
mistake…
❝
I prepared.
Rehearsed. Lost
sleep. Imagined
worst-case
scenarios. But
it had to be
done; I'm gay,
whatever their
reaction, I told
myself; and I
can't keep it
secret forever.
❞
If you need any support to
with any of the issues
raised in this article you
can call the London
Lesbian and Gay
Switchboard on 0300 330
630 or visit:
www.llgs.org.uk
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