THEGAYUK APRIL/MAY ISSUE 3
2014
PROBLEM PAGE
DATING DISASTER
DILEMMAS
Have you got an emotional
problem? Ask Barry
write to:
[email protected]
by Barry Heap
Dear Dilemmas
I’ve been single for so long and I really hate it. All my friends have partners or
are married and I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one without someone.
I live in a small town and there is no gay scene locally, so this leaves me with the
only option of meeting guys online. Most of the websites seem geared towards
hook ups and even though I’ve made it clear on there that I’m only interested in
relationships, I still get messages asking for sex.
When I have met up with guys it never goes well, I find that I’ve text the guys
loads but when we meet up there’s no chemistry, if I text back I rarely get a
response. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but it’s really starting to affect my
self-confidence.
Thanks Roy.
Dear Roy,
I can really understand where you’re coming from,
sometimes it seems the rest of the world is moving
on and you’re being left behind.
When it comes to dating the most frustrating thing
is people not being genuine. When the internet
becomes involved the problem is doubled. I’m sure
it would be hard
to find any
online profile
that is 100%
honest.
However, you
are genuine in
your intentions,
and I’m sure you
are not alone.
From your
experiences, it
sounds like your
are placing a
high level of
expectation on
yourself and any
potential dates,
it may be the
case that you are
giving too much of yourself to begin with and not
getting a lot in return. You mention that your goal
is to be in a relationship; I’ve always felt that
wanting a relationship before knowing the person
is like trying to build a tree house before the tree
has grown.
132
It’s worth remembering that dating is supposed to
be fun. It sounds like the whole process has
become really exhausting rather than exciting. Get
to know the guys you are meeting on the dates
rather than through texting before. If you feel that
there isn’t any chemistry, you may still be able to
remain friends in the long run. When meeting guys
try focusing on the next few dates and weeks rather
than the future.
I can
understand
that you may
feel that being
online is your
only access to a
gay “scene”.
However I
would suggest
that maybe
looking away
from
traditional
dating sites
and more
towards non
sexual sites
such as
OutdoorLads
and Out
Everywhere. This will give you an opportunity to
meet other gay men in a friendly and platonic way
without placing too much pressure on yourself.
This will help you to make friends and rebuild your
self-esteem. ∎