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Move past " couple envy ”
" I used to feel envious of friends who had kind , involved husbands , men who actually wanted to be with them , who wanted to pitch in ," says one mom who prefers to remain anonymous . But as she learned , it ' s all too easy to get caught up in the illusion that everything would be perfect if you just had a partner .
" The reality is that everyone has problems , even married people ," she says . Five years later , she has found that being a single mom comes with its own advantages . " I find it much simpler to only have to think about one other person ' s needs ," she explains . Constant envy can turn into resentment and bitterness , which is a drain on your energy . Focus instead on things in your life that you ' re grateful for – including your married friends .
Plan ahead for urgent situations
It ' s midnight , your toddler has a fever , and you ' re out of ibuprofen . Or you have a virus yourself , and you ' re too busy throwing up to care for your baby . Without another adult in the house , what do you do ?
It ' s important to be prepared for these types of situations . Find out if there ' s an emergency babysitting service in your area – while these services can be pricy , they can often provide help fairly quickly .
In addition , develop an " emergency list " of friends and family members you know you can call on . " Once , at 4 a . m ., I was so sick that I couldn ' t even feed my baby . I knew my friend Lyde would be up , since she runs every morning , so I called her and she came right over ," says Soiseth .
Get creative about childcare
" Cultivate a babysitting network ," says Soiseth , who admits that she pays more for babysitting than for housing – and says it ' s worth it .
But in addition to the traditional babysitting arrangements , Soiseth suggests being open to less conventional ideas . For example , she arranged for a student to live with her during her baby ' s first year . The student provided childcare in exchange for rent . Soiseth also shared a babysitter with a friend in the afternoons .
Another good idea is to trade childcare with other families , as Sarah did on numerous occasions . " My friend would watch my baby while I did errands , and I ' d watch her baby while she and her husband had a date ," she says . Trade-offs provide a free break for you and a playdate for your child – what ' s not to love about that ?
Another single mom took childcare sharing to a new level – a fifth-grade teacher , she split her job with another teacher and new mom ( this is often called " job-sharing "). While one teacher was at work , the other watched both babies . This allowed both moms to continue working , afford childcare , and have more time with their child .
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