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Move past " couple envy”
" I used to feel envious of friends who had kind, involved husbands, men who actually wanted to be with them, who wanted to pitch in," says one mom who prefers to remain anonymous. But as she learned, it ' s all too easy to get caught up in the illusion that everything would be perfect if you just had a partner.
" The reality is that everyone has problems, even married people," she says. Five years later, she has found that being a single mom comes with its own advantages. " I find it much simpler to only have to think about one other person ' s needs," she explains. Constant envy can turn into resentment and bitterness, which is a drain on your energy. Focus instead on things in your life that you ' re grateful for – including your married friends.
Plan ahead for urgent situations
It ' s midnight, your toddler has a fever, and you ' re out of ibuprofen. Or you have a virus yourself, and you ' re too busy throwing up to care for your baby. Without another adult in the house, what do you do?
It ' s important to be prepared for these types of situations. Find out if there ' s an emergency babysitting service in your area – while these services can be pricy, they can often provide help fairly quickly.
In addition, develop an " emergency list " of friends and family members you know you can call on. " Once, at 4 a. m., I was so sick that I couldn ' t even feed my baby. I knew my friend Lyde would be up, since she runs every morning, so I called her and she came right over," says Soiseth.
Get creative about childcare
" Cultivate a babysitting network," says Soiseth, who admits that she pays more for babysitting than for housing – and says it ' s worth it.
But in addition to the traditional babysitting arrangements, Soiseth suggests being open to less conventional ideas. For example, she arranged for a student to live with her during her baby ' s first year. The student provided childcare in exchange for rent. Soiseth also shared a babysitter with a friend in the afternoons.
Another good idea is to trade childcare with other families, as Sarah did on numerous occasions. " My friend would watch my baby while I did errands, and I ' d watch her baby while she and her husband had a date," she says. Trade-offs provide a free break for you and a playdate for your child – what ' s not to love about that?
Another single mom took childcare sharing to a new level – a fifth-grade teacher, she split her job with another teacher and new mom( this is often called " job-sharing "). While one teacher was at work, the other watched both babies. This allowed both moms to continue working, afford childcare, and have more time with their child.
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