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Newly divorced and single moms and dads do have to be kind to themselves and allow for
less structure, but you can't let it all go and turn into a roommate instead of a parent," says
Neuman.
I saw it as a balancing act. I didn't have the time or energy to stress over some of the finer
points of household management like I did when there was another adult helping out -- but
at the same time, my kids needed structure and the sense of security it provides, now more
than ever. So I began to really focus on figuring out what mattered and what didn't. Forget
organized closets, spotless bathrooms, and ironing. Try to say yes to serving nutritious family
dinners, scheduling regular bedtimes, and being prompt for pickups and drop-offs. For a
while, it was overwhelming, but we eventually created chaos lite.
Finally, Become a Crazy Optimist
No matter what the latest study said about the damaging effects of a broken home, I tried to
remember that my boys and I were much more than a statistic -- and that our home wasn't
broken. "Children grow up fine as long as parents love them and raise them thoughtfully,"
says Dr. Bartell. "You need to be optimistic."
After being a single mom for three years, I discovered things about myself I'd never had the
opportunity to find out when I was married: I was independent and accomplished, and I was
able to run a household, bring home a pay check, and take excellent care of my kids. My
children learned just how much we all have to depend on each other -- and on others -- to
function as a family. As a result, they became more responsible and empathetic. And my exhusband? Dear reader, I remarried him, and we now have two more kids together. I didn't
set out to achieve this particular happy ending, and I know that it might sound strange. But
my husband and I needed to go out into the world and learn some life lessons. Once we
learned to do it alone, we were ready to do it together -- again.
Dating
The dishes are done, the kids are asleep, and the toys are put away. Wouldn't it be nice to
curl up in bed with a good...man? As fulfilling as being a mom is, we all need a grown-up
playdate once in a while. But finding a nice guy can sometimes feel like climbing Mount Everest, and you need more than a compass to find your way through the duds and dorks of the
dating world.
Are You There Yet?
"You're ready to be back in the dating game when you don't feel like you need a man, but
you feel like you want one," says Sharon McKenna, author of Sex and the Single Mom. When
you're done obsessing about your relationship with your ex, you're generally ready to get on
with your life.
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