Church Executive : So , what SHOULD the church be doing ?
Love : The church has a responsibility to create safe spaces for children who are participating in ministry programs , but we also have a responsibility to equip parents to protect their own children . Because parents are the primary protectors of their own kids . A fundamental place of risk for any child is his or her home environment .
Church Executive : We see headlines about external risks — like scout leaders and youth volunteers . How is the child at risk at home ?
Norris : Much of the risk never makes a headline : the risk unfolds in the child ’ s home environment — when the abuse is perpetrated by a family member , family friend , a caregiver or an older child in the family ’ s social circle . Parents clearly need help navigating child sexual abuse risk , and ministry leaders can — and should — play a role .
Church Executive : How can ministry leaders equip parents and families ?
Love : Solving the problem of child sexual abuse starts with good information . When ministry leaders understand the risk of sexual abuse and its incredibly destructive impact on children and their families , child safety becomes truly missional . Successful child safety efforts occur when ministry leaders aren ’ t driven by crisis response or business decisions but are , instead , childand family-focused . Clearly , churches and ministries should be about ‘ feeding and protecting the sheep ,’ with a missional focus on the wellness of individual members and the family unit . Protecting the sheep is just as important as feeding the sheep : if the sheep aren ’ t protected , all ministry programming is marginalized . Individual wellness and spiritual health are fundamental , and both are threatened by abusers who victimize children .
Church Executive : For a ministry leader who WANTS to equip parents in his or her congregation , what ’ s a good starting point ?
Love : Good question ! The place to start is in church programs that actually serve children — essentially ‘ getting your own house in order .’ When children are gathered for any ministry purpose , the risk of sexual abuse exists . The risk is foreseeable and therefore preventable : it must be addressed . Because the risk is foreseeable , each ministry must develop an effective Safety System tailored to its specific programming and the children served . Learn more about an effective Safety System by downloading the “ Stop Child Sexual Abuse ” series eBook at churchexecutive . com / ebooks # risk-management . Once a church has a REAL Safety System in place , it should endeavor to equip parents with good information and resources .
Church Executive : What specific resources should church leaders offer to parents in the congregation ?
Love : Effective training is the key . Good training daylights the misconceptions that most of us hold on to , because this risk is not intuitive . Abusers are actively misleading parents by grooming the gatekeepers — the parents themselves — to believe that the abuser is a helpful , trustworthy individual .
It ’ s incredibly helpful for parents to understand the Offender ’ s Grooming Process — the process by which an abuser targets a specific child , grooms him or her for inappropriate sexual interaction , and keeps the child silent after the abuse occurs .
Church Executive : How does MinistrySafe help churches who want to equip parents with good information ?
Norris : We developed Parent Training to equip parents to better understand child sexual abuse and better protect their own children . Sexual abusers have no visual profile — but can be recognized by their behavior . Parent training walks through common misconceptions about sexual abuse and sexual abusers , abuser characteristics , the abuser ’ s grooming process and common grooming behaviors — from a parent ’ s perspective . The whole purpose is to equip parents with better information , including questions they should be asking in the programs or activities where their child spends time . We address issues like sleepovers , sports involvement and peer-topeer issues . I ’ m a mom : this is information I ’ d want in the hands of EVERY parent .
Church Executive : What ’ s a starting point for a PARENT who wants to be proactive about protecting their own child ?
Norris : Starting the conversations about sex and sexuality VERY early ! We are the primary protectors of our children , and it isn ’ t my child ’ s responsibility to protect herself . At the same time , arming my child with good information about sexual topics is fundamental in helping my child better navigate the world in which we live . That means providing real names for body parts , not pet names , and answering questions honestly , in an age-appropriate manner . Telling my child that NO ONE should touch her body any place that her bathing suit would cover and giving her permission to say NO ! to anyone who attempts to . Teaching her to come tell ME or another adult she trusts when she experiences any interaction with ANYONE , adult or child , that makes her uncomfortable . Teaching her to go places in pairs or threes — having a wing man !
Church Executive : This is an anxiety-producing topic for parents : ‘ having the sex talk ’, right ?
Norris : One of the issues I encounter over and over is parents feeling anxious or concerned about having the conversation about sex or sexuality with their child . Many are concerned about scaring their child , saying , “ I don ' t want to overwhelm with detail . I ’ m anxious about starting this conversation .”
Church Executive : Can you speak to that ?
Norris : This is one reason churches have to get in the game — arming parents with good information and encouraging them to USE it ! I encourage parents to start this conversation at 2 or 3 years of age , before the topic becomes awkward . All kids have natural curiosity about sexual topics , and they are going to get the information from somewhere — it should be from us , their parents . Abusers take advantage of a child ’ s natural sexual curiosity to introduce sexual topics and secrecy — don ’ t leave that door open !
MinistrySafe provides online resources developed to protect children , whether in a ministry program or at home . Request a link for Sexual Abuse Awareness Training or a link for Parent Training , or contact a representative at MinistrySafe . Kimberlee D . Norris : As a mom , I thought it would
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