In church contexts , if someone wants to work with kids , we assume their motivation is good and honorable . That ’ s not always the case . The church tends to have less screening , training and defined policies in place . As a result , it ’ s an easy in for abusers .” — Kimberlee D . Norris
be helpful to hear from my daughter , a second-year law student , about the importance of starting the conversation about sexuality early on .
Norris : Many parents feel anxious or concerned about starting a conversation with their child about sex or sexuality . Can you speak to that ?
Georgia : It ’ s so much easier if you start early — when your child is young . You make it gradual and natural , so it ’ s not just a massive dump of information offered to a preteen or teenager . In my case , you opened a line of communication between us — a very natural conversation that built on itself . You answered my questions whenever I asked — I knew that you were a good source of information — and I trusted you . I always felt comfortable coming to you with whatever weird questions I had .
Norris : As you grew up , did you feel like the information became more relevant ?
Georgia : Yes . I think we had a very special but atypical mother / daughter relationship . I mean I asked you more questions than I searched on Google ! I wasn ' t learning from movies like my friends were , I was asking my mom .
Norris : One of our early conversations was about the concept that ‘ if anybody touches you in a place that your bathing suit covers , mama or daddy needs to know about it .’ And we had an experience early on . Do you remember that ?
Georgia : Yes , I remember . We were at the pool — I was 4 1 / 2 or 5 — and a little boy swam by me and brushed my side . I was concerned because I knew that if someone touched me where my swimsuit covered that I needed to tell my mom . So I marched up to you and said , very seriously , “ Mom , a little boy swam by me and touched my side , right here where my bathing suit covers .” And you said something like , “ Well , sweetheart , do you think it was intentional ?” I said , “ Probably not .” And you said “ Okay , well , he probably just accidentally brushed you as he swam by , and that ' s not a problem . But thank you for telling me .”
Norris : So it wasn ' t a big deal , but you came and told me . And that ' s exactly what I wanted . I wanted to know if you encountered that , and you did . I wanted open lines of communication with you . Early on , we talked about the fact that you choose who you are physically affectionate with , and that YOU always had the right to say NO . This became an issue with relatives who expected very close physical affection with you when you were very young . Do you remember that ?
Georgia : Yes . I remember feeling sort of trapped , because they wanted physical interaction that just scared me . I remember you telling me that it was okay to say no . That was huge : I didn ’ t know it was okay to say NO !
After I told you I was scared , you protected me from that , and you were firm about it . I really don ' t see that with many kids : I think most kids think that it ’ s not an option to say NO to an adult in a position of authority . I knew I had the right to say no , and that was empowering to me .
Norris : As you got older , the options for where you spent time became broader . You started getting invitations for sleepovers and parties outside our home . We had pretty significant boundaries in place concerning where you could go , and there were places you didn ' t get to go . We waited until you were quite a bit older before allowing you to spend the night in homes that we had heavily vetted . How did that feel at the time , and how do you see it today — as an adult ?
Georgia : At the time , in middle school , I felt like you were cramping my social style , but it wasn ’ t a really big deal because our house was the place to be , and I had lots of people over . As an adult , especially given what I now know about some of those situations , I am so grateful . Because I think a lot of parents didn ’ t have the same standards or do the same due diligence , and that ended up hurting their kids .
Norris : As you grew up , in middle school and beyond , we unabashedly made our house the fun place to be . And we did that purposefully , because I know what ' s happening in my house . As an adult , what ’ s your perspective on that ? Will your house be the ‘ fun house ’?
Georgia : I think it ' s a complete model for what I want our house to be in the future . And I love the idea of providing clean and unadulterated fun for my kids , but also creating an environment where I control the boundaries and I know what protections are in place .
Norris : Growing up , did you ever have a ‘ liver quiver ’ — a circumstance that caused you to think I don ' t know about that circumstance or that individual ?
Georgia : For those of you who don ' t use ‘ liver-quiver ’ in your daily vocabulary , in our family , it means that sick feeling in your stomach like , “ I shouldn ' t be here ” or “ this shouldn ' t be happening .” I ' ve experienced that a number of times growing up , and it was about certain people or situations . You gave me so much information growing up to prep me for those dangers . It was really interesting to see how weeks or months later I would learn something about that person or circumstance , or the person would be fired or let go , and I ’ d feel like , “ Oh , okay . That ' s what that was .”
Norris : So you felt like you had eyes to see .
Georgia : Yes — a different lens or category .
Norris : Some parents feel , “ Well , I don ' t want to make my child paranoid or fearful .” Did you feel fearful or paranoid ?
Georgia : No . In my own skin , I ' m not naturally a very careful person . But
46 16 CHURCH EXECUTIVE • | STOP JAN / CHILD FEB 2022 SEXUAL ABUSE churchexecutive . com