Spark [Robert_Klitzman]_When_Doctors_Become_Patients(Boo | Seite 259

248 Being a Doctor After Being a Patient
Yet connections with spirituality existed at both intellectual and other
personal levels. She continued:
It’s not nonsense. People get a lot of support from being spirit-
ual. In the hospital, a lady next to me was Christian. . . . I said,
‘‘That’s very nice she’s religious, but it doesn’t talk to me.’’ Once in
a while when the Hasidim came, yes, I believed in God because
they were there and supporting the . . . notion of God. But to say
that I get up in the morning and do the rituals—no, I don’t.
Still, ceremony, even without complete faith, can provide meaning. Debo-
rah didn’t practice Judaism, but felt connected to the people who prayed
for her, and was grateful for the kindness they offered her through prayer.
In fact, after her hospitalization, she lit candles at home. She added, ‘‘My
spiritualism is really through my painting. I’m not religious, but I’m a very
traditional, culturally-oriented Jew.’’ She made fine, nuanced but key gra-
dations of belief and practice. Spiritual connection can be to a tradition and
culture.
Contents of Belief
Some physicians felt strong relationships with the particular religions in
which they had been raised (e.g., Christianity and Judaism). Yet others
invoked a wide range of philosophies and approaches, or combinations of
these. For example, Roger, the suicidal surgeon with HIV, became
happier and more energetic as a result of a broad, if amalgamated, spir-
itual transformation.
I’ve done a lot of reading: the Koran, Hindu literature, Mary Baker
Eddy, Christian Science, and Bible stuff. I found the old parable
of the elephant helpful: one man feels his leg, one his trunk, etc.
They’ve all got a little piece of what’s up there.
Roger’s new beliefs, though an ensemble of traditions, aided him.
Others struggled, and in the end found comfort in their own unique
and particular understandings of, and desires for, greater faith. Mark, the
internist interviewed in the diner, said:
. . . my mom may be a guardian angel for me, if it’s possible to do
that. I was the most important thing in the world to her. If
you’re allowed to have a wish after you’re gone, that would be it.