about their kids, most would concur
that they love their children very
much. So why, then, do the teens
not feel loved? Usually it is because
the father focused on so many other
things in his life or the teen’s life that
he failed to let the child know that
he loved being with him and that he
valued him. These are such simple
concepts and yet great fathers can
miss them because they focus on
the wrong things––whether or not the
child is scoring enough soccer goals,
getting good enough
grades or making the
right friend.
Our current
parenting climate
trains fathers to make
sure that kids do
enough. They believe
that if their kids excel
at enough things
then a) the child will
be happy, get into
a good college or
have a good job and
b) that he will be a
good dad because his child will be
more successful than his friends’ kids.
Many parents fall into this trap without
realizing it and what they end up with
is a child who performs well, has good
friends, and is polite but who feels
empty on the inside.
Kids who run here and there to
perform well see right through what’s
going on. They feel like puppets
rather than young people who are
loved because they are the child
of a father whom they admire. They
want to know that their father adores
them because they are his, rather
than knowing that they can get into
Stanford. Love makes them whole.
Activities make them busy.
Dad, what are your hopes for me?
In many children and teens’ minds,
the good life ends around 25 years
of age. For children who grow up in
poverty, they wonder if they’ll even
live past their mid twenties. For more
fortunate children, they believe that
since the high school and college
years are the “best years of their
lives,” they’d better live them well.
Children have difficulty cognitively
perceiving what life will be like in a
year or two. That’s why they need
a father to talk
to them about
their future hopes
and dreams. This
accomplishes two
very important
things. First, asking
about what a teen
would like to do in
his thirties or forties
helps the child have
perspective. We
teach kids that self
control during their
teen years is integral
to success and fathers must show
them that a future pay off will come
in order to keep them motivated.
More importantly, talking to your
child about your hopes for him gives
him a positive belief about his future.
When a father communicates that a
child may travel, become a lawyer,
fulfill their dream of being a missionary,
whatever, he communicates their
ability to get there. This gives them
goals to hold onto and the deter-
mination and drive to accomplish
them. Why? Because Dad said it
could happen. That’s the power that
a father has in a child’s life.
Every child sees their father as a
hero. The only job a father has is to
Solutions 21