them a good financial plan the conflict would go away , but it didn ’ t .
Because the arguments are rarely about money itself instead they are about deeper relationship issues like trust , respect , and connection .
Most of us assume our spouse thinks about money the way we do , but in 75 % of marriages that is not true . Your spouse ’ s view about money is different , but that does not make it wrong .
Respect your spouse ’ s real feelings , concerns , and goals for your money . Have you asked them lately how they ’ re feeling about your finances ? Respect their honest opinion . Respect their difference .
3 . Don ’ t forget the fun stuff – dream together ! This costs nothing , but really pays off . Dream together .
You work hard for your money . What would you really love to do with some of it ?
As we age we sometimes forget how to dream . But consider this a fully grownup assignment : dream about your future . Would you like to take a class ? Take a missions trip ? Start a business ? Travel ? Own a vintage automobile ? Try to surf ? Start a scholarship fund ?
When couples dream together , they move forward together .
You can jot down some short-term
8 • Solutions and long-term dreams for you as a couple , as a family , and as individuals . Whatever your dreams are , talk about them and start planning for them monthly .
4 . When ( not if ) you disagree about money , be nice . It doesn ’ t cost anything to be kind . When you talk about money make an extra effort to be nice . Sound simple ? Try it .
We like to encourage our clients to “ fight fair ”. We would love to say that people who set aside a regular time to discuss money and then respect each other ’ s differences never fight about money again . BUT that ’ s not usually a reality .
Respecting one another doesn ’ t mean you suddenly agree about everything , so you may find yourselves heading straight into another fight about money . But if you do disagree , do so respectfully . Arguments about money hurt us like very few other fights do . It feels intensely personal . We feel attacked and get defensive .
Angry , hurtful words are like toothpaste – once it is out in the open , it ’ s impossible to put back in .
5 . Find your common ground . Couples disagree . Some days , often . But there is always something you can agree on . Find your common ground . Some days it may take longer to find it , but it is worth taking the time .