no rain
no flowers
Battling Insecurity
“I am struggling with
childhood stuff,” says 28 year
old Nora. “I have a fear of
getting close because I think
that when they see me they
start looking at my ugliness
and not get to know me first.”
N
Nora is a classic case of how one’s
childhood can contribute to adult
insecurity. “I have a fear of losing
people even the ones that treat me
badly, as long as I love them.” She fears
even more, losing the few persons that
she trusts and are good to her.
“I know good things do not last with
me,” she says. Nora wants life to
change “I don’t know if it can change, if
it will, where or when but I know I want
it to.” She confesses suicidal thoughts
as life seems pointless.
Nora’s mother told little Nora she
would be a bad child and Nora grew
up believing it. “Being bad was all
I knew,” says Nora. At the slightest
provocation she would respond with
rude words and would get a spanking,
she pretended that nothing bothered
her.
She lived with her grandmother - a
common arrangement in her country
- while her mother worked all over,
“trying to make a living for us.” Nora
did not understand that and missed
her mother. But when her mom came
around she would curse at Nora
and publicly spank her for any bad
thing she did. She felt scarred by the
public humiliation but she craved her
mother’s attention. Her father was a
social outcast and her mom taught her
to curse him; so she grew to hate and
disrespect him. Other children in her
school lived with both parents and she
wanted the same. This never happened
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SHARE | MAGAZINE
April - June 2018