2013 ~ P R E S E N T |
S T I L L E V O LV I N G
Getting to know Me
Saera Hamanaka
Me today (2018). ▶
124
I had three
different
spaces
I would
step into
everyday.
I attended an international school from primary to
secondary school. Since everyone in my class were
foreigners with their own cultural backgrounds, our
mutual connections were that we attended the same
classes, spoke English, and had interests in Anglo-
centric media.
My cultural backgrounds were visibly mixed at home.
We ate Malay and Japanese food, spoke three
languages interchangeably, and sometimes took part
in events related to both cultures. I knew that my
family was different than many of my friends’ families
but this difference was not often discussed. Whenever
I doubted my identity, my dad would reiterate that I
was Japanese on one hand and, on the other, my
mom would reiterate that I was Malay. I also had a
number of people who told me that I was not ‘really’
Japanese, nor was I ‘really’ Malaysian. Hence, I spent
a majority of my youth carrying a sense of shame, of
never feeling ‘enough of myself’ because no matter
how much I wanted to believe I was both, I felt neither
Japanese nor Malay.
To be frank, this was a conversation I did not want
to explore because it was so personal and I was not
even convinced of my identity. But enrolling in units
under SASS gave me the opportunity to explore and
clarify my identity. It was in my second year that I
learned it was not unusual to feel this way. I learned I
was living in between cultural and political spaces –the
“liminal space”. I also learned that I was a third
culture kid.
In addition to getting to know myself better, I
experienced a small, yet significant, event during
my time at Monash – I was asked by a Japanese
magazine, to represent Monash University. This
made me feel pleasantly surprised, as I was able to
represent my Japanese side.
I had three different spaces I would step into everyday
and, for the first time, being able to discuss this with
my family and friends made me feel okay with the fact
that I had to juggle these spaces, instead of constantly
feeling ‘never enough’ of one or the other. I believe I
would not have been able to feel this growth in my life
had it not been for SASS.
That’s me in
Year 1 of
university life
(2011). ▶
Saera graduated with a BA in International Studies in
2013. She used to work as an Account Executive at
an Advertising Firm and is now away in New Zealand
on a working holiday.
◀ A profile of me in a Japanese magazine.