Despite it all, being a tutor gave me invaluable insights,
mostly at how incompetent I was at teaching university
students, but also at how much I enjoyed learning and
education. And today I am still an educator, but of the
youngest of learners. My life is lived in contrast, from
upper tertiary education to now – early childhood.
There is no answer to the question which is more
challenging of the two. Each is its own game.
When I was a student, I often heard other students
complain about the lack of parking and not wanting
to wake up for classes, and to be very honest, I never
understood that. I pretended to understand to fit in,
but I didn’t get it because I was grateful. Education is
a luxury few can afford, what more at an international
university. And good teachers! They are like 24-karat
gold; they only increase in value over time, and in
limited supply. We need to treasure them more.
With classmates, Victoria and Zaleha (2010). ▶
Today, I am still a feminist, but not the “ragey”, I’m-
going-to-burn-all-of-you type. I have become more
refined and mature. Meanwhile, my group of guy
friends are the ones now begging me to watch A
Handmaid’s Tale because they are more “woke” than I
am, thanks to my early days of sharing what I learned
in gender studies classes. I am still an activist, music-
lover, writer, and all those things, but now, armed
with a wider perspective and deeper understanding, I
have become more confident in who I am. I am more
sure of myself, but it also came with the territory of
growing up. As cliched as it sounds, I learned that I
do not have to be like others to fit in, and I can hold
my ground in an argument about gender, all while
dating them (Yes, I am dating someone who may
be characterised as an “alpha”, and if I had met him
when I was studying, would have never in a million
years imagined dating).
I did study and I did quite well in some of the units.
But I think the beauty about studying in the School
of Arts and Social Sciences, and especially university
life, was that the whole experience mattered, not
just the ones spent in lecture halls. I have friendships
with people who I will call on to be bridesmaids on
my wedding day. I have lecturers who instilled in me
a love of lifelong learning, and who I genuinely enjoy
as people. I cannot quite say for certain who I have
become or what I have morphed into, because as we
all know … ancora imparo.
Jowee graduated with a Bachelor of Arts, double
majoring in Communications and International Studies
in 2012. She stayed on another year to complete a
Bachelor of Arts Honours (2013). She is now
an educator.
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studies, gender, media studies, and relished in the
power trip. However, the responsibility of having
other people learn from me is terrifying and not one I
would take for granted. I never realised how annoying
students were until I was a tutor. I watched these
students, so blissfully unaware of how good they
have it. So insecure. So fashionable. So intelligent. So
funny. At one point impressed, and at another horrified
at the way their brains work, or don’t work. Then
further annoyed at their general lack of self-discipline,
all the while claiming, “WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I
WOULD HAVE NEVER…” etc. (When really, we all
knew we would have done the thing and worse). And
this is how you know you have become an “aunty”.
Sidenote on aunty-ism: I have metamorphosed into
someone that actually googles recipes, saves them
and pins them, because I actually want to cook
them. But I balance all this by throwing RM 183 on
an Anderson Paak gig because YOLO. So, I guess
you could say change is slow and steady and my
“millenialism” rears itself from time to time. Meanwhile,
the number of times I have marked papers as a tutor
and saw words like “desert” spelled “dessert” is
surprisingly common and sad, mostly because no one
actually gave me any desserts when I was a tutor.