ROTAMIRROR MAY ISSUE RotaMirror, May Issue '19, Rotaract Club of Kololo | Page 14

When a woman first told me I
was part of rape culture, I wanted
to disagree for obvious reasons.
Like many of you I wanted to say,
“Whoa, that isn’t me.” Instead,
I listened. Later, I approached a
writer I respect. I asked her to
write an article with me, wherein
she’d explain rape culture to me
and to male readers. She stopped
returning my emails.
At first, I was annoyed. Then as it
became clear she wasn’t going to
respond at all, I actually got mad.
Luckily, I’ve learned one shouldn’t
immediately respond when they
feel flashes of anger. Thunder is
impressive but it’s the rain that
nourishes life. So I let that storm
pass and thought about it. I took a
walk. They seem to jangle my best
thoughts loose.
Blocks from my house, in front
of a car wash it dawned on me.
If rape culture is so important to
me I needed to find out for myself
what it is. No woman owes me her
time just because I want to know
about something she inherently
understands. No woman should
feel she has to explain rape culture
to me just because I want to know
what it is. No woman owes me shit.
I saw how my desire for a woman
to satisfy me ran deep. Even my
curiosity, a trait that always made
me proud, was marred with the same
sort of male-centric presumption
that fuels rape culture. I expected
to be satisfied. That attitude is the
problem. I started reading and kept
reading until I understood rape
culture and my part in it.
Here’s a bullet-point list
examples of rape culture.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
of
Blaming the victim (“She asked
for it!”)
Trivializing
sexual
assault
(“Boys will be boys!”)
Sexually explicit jokes
Tolerance of sexual harassment
Inflating false rape report
statistics
Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s
dress, mental state, motives,
and history
Gratuitous gendered violence
in movies and television
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Defining
“manhood”
as
dominant
and
sexually
aggressive
Defining
“womanhood”
as
submissive and sexually passive
Pressure on men to “score”
Pressure on women to not
appear “cold”
Assuming only promiscuous
women get raped
Assuming that men don’t get
raped or that only “weak” men
get raped
Refusing
to
take
rape
accusations seriously
Teaching women to avoid
getting raped instead of
teaching men not to rape
You’ll quickly find that rape culture
plays a central role in all the social
dynamics of our time. It’s at the heart
of all our personal interactions. It’s
part of all our social, societal and
environmental struggles. Rape
culture is not just about sex. It is the
product of a generalized attitude of
male supremacy. Sexual violence
is one expression of that attitude.
Again, don’t let the terminology
spook you. Don’t get hung up on
the term “male supremacy.” The
term isn’t the problem. The problem
is that rape culture hurts everyone
involved. Antiquated patriarchal
notions of society make it difficult
for men to come forward as rape
victims just as much as they foster
a desire for a man to be seen as
powerful and sexually aggressive.
Men shouldn’t feel threatened or
attacked when women point out
rape culture — they’re telling us
about our common enemy. We
ought to listen.
Now that you know what it is, what
can you do about rape culture?
• Avoid using language that
objectifies or degrades women
• Speak out if you hear someone
else making an offensive joke or
trivializing rape
• If a friend says she has been
raped, take her seriously and
be supportive
• Think critically about the
media’s
messages
about
women, men, relationships, and
violence
•
Be respectful of others’ physical
space even in casual situations
• Always
communicate
with
sexual partners and do not
assume consent
• Define your own manhood
or womanhood. Do not let
stereotypes shape your actions.
What else can you do about rape
culture when you experience it IRL?
1. Men can confront men.
No one is suggesting violence. In
fact, that’s what we’re looking to
avoid. But sometimes, a man needs
to confront another man or a group
of men in a situation. When I’m out
in public and I see a man hassling a
woman, I stop for a moment. I make
sure the woman sees me. I want her
to know I’m fully aware of what’s
happening. I wait for a moment for a
clear indication from her of whether
she needs help. Sometimes, the
couple will continue right on
fighting like I’m just a hickory
tree. Other times, the woman will
make it clear she’d like backup
and I approach the situation. I’ve
never had to get violent. Usually,
my presence alone makes the
guy leave if he’s a stranger, or
explain himself if they’re familiar. It
changes the dynamic. That’s why
I always stop when I see a woman
getting hassled in public. For any
reason. I make sure any woman,
in what could become a violent
situation, one I may or may not be
correctly assessing, feels that she
has the opportunity to signal to me
if she needs assistance. I’m a big
brother to a sister so that response
is practically instinctual.
But, I don’t limit this to women. I’ve
also done this for two men who were
clearly in a lovers’ spat. Whenever
you see a situation spiraling out of
control, and especially if someone
is crying for help or being attacked,
you should confront the situation.
You don’t need to “break it up.”
But engage, get involved, take
down pertinent information, alert
authorities, call the police. Do
something.
ROTAMIRROR May Issue 2019
14