ROTAMIRROR MAY ISSUE RotaMirror, May Issue '19, Rotaract Club of Kololo | Page 13

Basically, I acknowledge every
woman I meet on the street, or in
an elevator, or in a stairway, or
wherever, in a way that indicates
she’s safe. I want her to feel just as
comfortable as if I weren’t there. I
accept that any woman I encounter
in public doesn’t know me, and
thus, all she sees is a man — one
who is suddenly near her. I have to
keep in mind her sense of space
and that my presence might make
her feel vulnerable. That’s the key
factor — vulnerability.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t
spend much of my life feeling
vulnerable. I’ve come to learn that
women spend most of their social
lives with ever-present, unavoidable
feelings of vulnerability. Stop and
think about that. Imagine always
feeling like you could be at risk, like
you were living with glass skin.
As modern men we must seek out
danger. We choose adventures and
extreme sports in order to feel like
we’re in jeopardy. We make games
of our vulnerability. That’s how
differently men see the world from
women. (Obviously, stated with
full acknowledgment that there’s
a vibrant community of extreme
athletes that are women, who
regularly risk their safety as well.
However, women don’t need to
engage in adrenalin sports to feel
at-risk.)
Now, I stand about a finger of tequila
under six feet. I work out and would
say I’m in decent shape, which
means when I’m out alone at night,
I rarely ever fear for my safety. Many
men know exactly what I mean.
Most women have no idea what
that feels like — to go wherever you
want in the world, at any time of day
or night, and feel you won’t have a
problem. In fact, many women have
the exact opposite experience.
A woman must consider where
she is going, what time of day it
is, what time she will arrive at her
destination and what time she will
leave her destination, what day
of the week is it, if she will be left alone
at any point … the considerations
go on and on because they are far
more numerous than you or I can
imagine. Honestly, I can’t conceive
of having to think that much about
what I need to do to protect myself
at any given moment in my life. I
relish the freedom of getting up and
going, day or night, rain or shine,
Westside or downtown. As men we
can enjoy this particular extreme
luxury of movement and freedom of
choice. In order to understand rape
culture, remember this is a freedom
that at least half the population
doesn’t enjoy.
That’s why I go out of my way to use
clear body language and act in a
way that helps minimize a woman’s
fear and any related feelings. I
recommend you do the same. It’s
seriously, like, the least any man
can do in public to make women
feel more comfortable in the world
we share. Just be considerate of
her and her space.
You may think it’s unfair that we
have to counteract and adjust
ourselves for the ill behavior of
other men. You know what? You’re
right. It is unfair. Is that the fault
of women? Or is it the fault of the
men who act abysmally and make
the rest of us look bad? If issues
of fairness bother you, get mad at
the men who make you and your
actions appear questionable.
Because when it comes to assessing
a man, whatever one man is
capable of, a woman must presume
you are capable of. Unfortunately,
that means all men must be judged
by our worst example. If you think
that sort of stereotyping is bullshit,
how do you treat a snake you come
across in the wild?
…You treat it like a snake, right?
Well, that’s not stereotyping, that’s
acknowledging an animal for what
it’s capable of doing and the harm
it can inflict. Simple rules of the
jungle, man.
Since you are a man, women must
treat you as such.
The completely reasonable and
understandable fear of men is your
responsibility. You didn’t create
it. But you also didn’t build the
freeways either. Some of the things
you inherit from society are cool
and some of them are rape culture.
Since no woman can accurately
judge you or your intentions on
sight, you are assumed to be like
all other men. 73% of the time a
woman knows her rapist. Now,
if she can’t trust and accurately
assess the intentions of men she
knows, how can you expect her to
ever feel that she can accurately
assess you, a complete stranger?
Rape prevention is not just about
women teaching women how not
to get raped — it’s about men not
committing rape.
Rape prevention is about the
fact that a man must understand
that saying “no” doesn’t mean
“yes,” that when a woman is too
drunk/drugged to respond that
doesn’t mean “yes,” that being
in a relationship doesn’t mean
“yes.” Rather than focus on how
women can avoid rape, or how rape
culture makes an innocent man feel
suspect, our focus should be: how
do we, as men, stop rapes from
occurring, and how do we dismantle
the structures that dismiss it and
change the attitudes that tolerate
it?
Since you are a part of it, you ought
to know what rape culture is.
According to Marshall University’s
Women’s Center website:
Rape Culture is an environment in
which rape is prevalent and in which
sexual violence against women
is normalized and excused in the
media and popular culture. Rape
culture is perpetuated through the
use of misogynistic language, the
objectification of women’s bodies,
and the glamorization of sexual
violence, thereby creating a society
that disregards women’s rights and
safety.
ROTAMIRROR May Issue 2019
13