Rhode Island Monthly January 2020 | Page 55

T R U E C R I M E BLOT TER (we couldn’t make this stuff up) TRUE! South Kingstown police arrested Charlestown resident, Scott Keeley, for gathering seaweed on the beach. They later decided not to charge him. them to the man’s family if he didn’t pay up. The EG resident said he reported the incident to Facebook and the messages were deleted. TRUE! A Providence resident was TRUE! A hit and run driver smashed charged with DUI, driving with an expired license, driving without insurance and failing to yield, after running a stop sign and plowing his car into a police cruiser. into the partially restored fountain in DePasquale Square, leaving plastic car parts strewn around the plaza. The iconic landmark was being repaired to the tune of $47,000, after it cracked over the winter. TRUE! An East Greenwich man told police he’d had an online chat with a stranger who asked him to get naked. When he did so, the stranger took screen shots and threatened to send TRUE! An ACI guard was arrested for allowing an inmate to use his cell phone in exchange for a restaurant gift card. 5 reasons WHy W E LOV E O U R P U B L I C E M P L OY E E S ! They’re undaunted! 911’s acting director was removed from his position after state police discovered he’d been training emergency call takers without having proper certification. They like to live large! Former Republican congressional candidate, H. Russell Taub, was charged with spending more than $1 million in political donations for personal use, including clothes, cigars, visits to strip clubs and escort services. They enjoy relaxing in front of the tube! A veteran Providence police officer refused to return a sixty-five-inch TV, worth roughly $1,500, after it was mistakenly delivered to his home in Smithfield. The cop eventually gave the TV back. They’re digitally aware! Providence councilman Luis Aponte resigned after pleading no contest to embezzling more than $13,000 in campaign funds and spending it on entertainment such as Netflix, Xbox Live, iTunes and cable bills. “Do these ruffles make my head look fat?” Former Barrington resident and White House press secretary, Sean Spicer, makes his sartorial debut on “Dancing With the Stars” last fall. he’s ba a ack! WPRO aired the “Best of Buddy Cianci” radio show for several weeks this summer, in which the late former mayor waxed on about his stint in federal prison and gripes with former public officials. They appreciate America’s favorite pastime! State Rep. Charlene Lima sponsored a bill that would create a Rhode Island license plate honor- ing the. New. York. Yankees. QUOTABLES! “In Rhode Island, our mediocrity is very robust.” URI economist Len Lardaro after CNBC ranked us at the bottom of the country’s states for doing business. RHODE ISLAND MONTHLY l JANUARY 2020     53