Some of the most damaged people I've known were raised in strict, fundamentalist environments with parents who tried to appear more righteous than they actually were. The parents of these children were always putting on a front. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever met anyone from such a legalistic, "plastic" family who didn't have more struggles than most. This type of environment where we are encouraged, be it consciously or not, to hide our faults and look good on the outside is extremely poisonous when trying to prepare someone for life on their own.
So, what do you do as a parent? You stop worrying so much about how your family appears to those outside of it. You communicate openly and honestly with your children about life. You be yourself in public as well in behind closed doors. If you have something inside that needs fixing, start fixing it. The picture you paint on the outside is nothing but that, a picture. Stick with reality, flaws and all, and both you and your children will find an intimacy you have never known before.
-Inspired by, and adapted from, Scary Close by Donald Miller
*Ibid., p.157
**Ibid.
Rev. Jeff Hagan, ThD, CEdD
Founder and President of True Grace Ministries and Theological Institute. www.truegraceinstitute.webs.com
Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com <a href="http://www.faithwriters.com">CHRISTIAN WRITER</a>
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Unfortunately, if we go the other way with this, the opposite of the above seems to be true as well. Parents who, for whatever reason, don't admit their faults and shortcomings, who don't apologize or ever admit they were or are wrong, produce children who are not secure and are emotionally troubled in some way. For some it creates a sort of fracture within causing them to want to "escape" from their families so they can be free to be themselves.
Obviously there are no specific predictors of whether or not children will do well in life. There are far too many variables for any such speculation. But I do believe that being an open, honest, even vulnerable parent improves the chances a child will grow up to be productive, content, and healthy.
If you really stop and think about it for a moment, parents who are open and honest with their children create an environment that allows them to feel free to be themselves. It allows them to be what they are, human beings. Human beings that make mistakes. And then the other side of the coin, parents who cover up the mistakes and flaws, often in attempt to "protect the children," unwittingly create an environment where children feel the need to lie, or a need to hide within themselves. This feeling of "hiding within ourselves" almost never leads to any sort of healthy outcome.