Date: 4
Date: 5
Occupation: Small Business Owner
Location: Papa Johns
This date was a guy I went out with a couple
of years ago who I still loosely keep in touch
with. He picked me up and we headed into
town, pulling up outside the bank. A few
minutes later, a female employee of said bank
trotted over and got in the car. Date 4 didn’t
bother to introduce us, but announced we
were all off to Papa Johns. He and this bank
chick had words, speaking in the local dialect,
so I had no idea what they were saying. The
girl’s tone and facial expressions gave me the
impression she wasn’t happy. A few blocks
down, she decided that she had somewhere
more important to be and got out the car.
Date 4 looked annoyed and immediately
called her, insisting that as it was dinner time
so she had to eat. The two of us then drove to
a cheap take-out restaurant where he bought
some noodles and we went back to find bank
chick. They had another conversation and he
handed over the food. Too hungover to be
playing these silly games, I was glad when
Date 4 and I were finally en route to Papa
Johns. He later explained that bank chick was
his new girlfriend and, as they hadn’t been
together long, he didn’t think she’d mind us
all eating together. I imagine his warped logic
went as follows: he wanted to have dinner
with me and he also wanted to have dinner
with her, so combining the two would save
time and be more cost-effective. Anyway,
bank chick disturbed our date a couple more
times, whining down the phone, probably to
check that we were actually eating pizza and
not committing adultery.
Occupation: Businessman
Location: Japanese Restaurant
My penultimate date really didn’t want to take me
out and tried to cancel a couple of hours before
the date was due to commence. Knowing that I
didn’t have time to organize anything in its place,
I told a partial lie which went something like ‘I’m going back to England next week (true)….
I’m never coming back to China (not true)… I’ll
never be able to see you again (hopefully true)’.
He dutifully agreed and picked me up.
Upon arriving at our destination, Date 5 ordered
all the food – he didn’t bother to ask what
I liked and I didn’t get so much as a glance at
the menu. As the dishes began to arrive, instead
of ushering me to sample the culinary delights
placed before me, Date 5 picked up pieces of
food with his chopsticks, and dumped them on
my plate. Feeling slightly disgruntled at Date 5
dictating what and when I could eat, I decided a
few sake bombs would help the situation. After
my second, Date 5 suggested I’d had enough.
Conversation turned to my ‘permanent’ move
back to England. He recommended that upon my
return I promptly begin the process of finding a
suitable husband. He rationalized that in China
it’s imperative for women to produce a child
before the age of 30, stating that having children
after this age is ‘unhealthy’. He continued to
explain that as Western women like to have two
or even three little sproglings (he was disgusted
by three – ‘unhealthy’) I’d need to begin the
baby-making process before the age of 27 and
even that would be cutting it fine. Mapping out
my destiny, he advised that babies cannot be
born outside of marriage, so ideally I need to get
married at 26. Turning 25 next month, it seems
time really is my enemy.