Fear .
My world changed in April 2008 . It ’ s almost an anniversary . I can ’ t say what , but I can say how , my life , my desire , my ambition changed metaphorically .
My family has always been the center of my world , and at a moment , I was faced with the reality of possibly losing my most loved , most trusted , consistent , cherished , confident , friend , my deepest love .
My “ Right now ”, my future was staring me directly in the face . Life was as fragile as a feather and could be blown away in seconds . Why exactly had I been holding back ? Why wasn ’ t I living my future now ? Who exactly was I awaiting permission from ? Whose approval did I need ?
I had all of the tools , the resources , the knowledge needed . What I was waiting on was “ a go ”. I thought I needed someone to say it was ok . What I really needed was to be presented with the lack of time to realize that it was imperative to make important use of my valuable present .
I didn ’ t need to be given an opportunity , a committee , applause , permission or to be given a platform .
I needed to create my own platform . My opportunities rested in the palm of my hand . All that was required was giving myself permission to say yes to the passions and the purpose that had been burning and residing deep within my belly .
I needed to make my family , my mother proud of me now , not later . My 2008 was difficult . I have never experienced such a tragedy and a blessing within the same lesson . I am so appreciative of the clearance of trees , the sense of clarity , the recognition of urgency , and finding the why to my purpose .
I have to remind myself as I write this , that it ’ s ok to cry . It ’ s ok to admit that in the past , you gave more credit to your excuses than credence to your opportunities . It ’ s ok to recognize your lack of effort especially if it ’ s a precursor to your abundance of tenacity , your feelings of limitless possibilities and your uncontainable happiness and appreciation of life , of family and in discovery and acceptance of your talents .
For the last 3 years , I have been living my journal , entry by entry , not without fear , but with an absence of excuses . With my mother looking on , hoping that she understands my deepest desire is to make her proud of me , but knowing that even if she is not , hoping that she respects and somehow admires that even though I ’ m not using my degrees , not doing the job she expected or giving her beautiful grandchildren , that I ’ ve finally found my passion and want to help , educate , and encourage women in the world , for the rest of my life .
My only hope is that in opening up to you ladies , that in sharing one of my deepest most intimate lessons , my urgency , my “ why ”, that I encourage and inspire you to pause , to unlock your own chains , to deeply reflect and start living your passions now .
Ladies , if you were waiting for the right time , waiting for a sign , if you needed someone to tell you this ...... I finally found my “ go ” , now I give it to you .
With Great Expectations , Kristi
9 POWERCULTURE APR2013