has to be taken into consideration in war situations. Brudder You ' re the man. Twaddle We shall deploy the ingenious pincer movement: the SS Men thrusting in from the west followed by the main spearhead of Cidermen from the east. If my calculations are correct the defences will collapse at a point marked here as‘ Charlie’ s Chippie Van’. Brudder Where are your reserves? You will need reserves! Twaddle Oh yes! Yes indeed. Nothing has been overlooked. My reserves consist of Hamilton Conk and sixteen Cidermen who are recovering from a heavy night out but will be as right as rain in ten to fifteen minutes time. Pickles Davy Brudder just shook his head and wandered off. Marmaduke Twaddle gave the signal to attack by raising the‘ Handkerchief of Blood’ and dropping it to the ground. I, in my capacity as war correspondent, took a photograph of the momentous occasion.‘ Army Group West’ slithered and slid their way down the wet slag heap but‘ Army Group East’ made no attempt whatsoever to stay on their feet and tumbled head over-heel until they reached the bottom. After another fifteen minutes to rid their boots and underpants of coal beans their respective commanders tried to identify their men. It was hopeless, as everyone was black!‘ Well, at least there’ s no PETS- as yet?’ I muttered Brudder Gallowsbird, you get your men to speak their words. That’ s how we will be able to tell the difference. If they can’ t recognise the little fat man standing on the slagheap- then they are your men. Gallowsbird Speak your words! Speak your words! Pickles But the Cidermen had no specific instructions for this situation. Cidermen Puke! Puke! We wanna puke. Brudder Right, the rest of you, those with two or more brain cells, follow me. Pickles The attack began with the SS Men( Army Group West) leaping over the River Slutch and then beating on the caravans with their willow bats. Any unfortunate gypsy sticking his head out to see what was happening got conked. The Cidermen( Army Group East) joined in with an unexpected artillery attack. They lobbed their empties over the caravans before trying to scale unto the roofs. Twaddle Keep those Third Division men circling! Keep those men circling the caravans. Hey! Who knocked the bridging device into the River Slutch? Pickles The‘ Field Marshall’ hollered from the South Heap through his bottomless milk jug. Eventually‘ Army Group West’ breached the defences by rocking a caravan till it tumbled.‘ Army Group East’, who had been looking for somewhere to have a pump, surged through the hole left by‘ Charlie’ s Chippie Van’. Twaddle Was I right? Or was I right once again? My strategic brain is awesome! Pickles The‘ Field Marshall ' yelled out, hurtling the‘ Handkerchief of Blood’ high in the air. Only six gypsy prisoners were taken. Twaddle
Construct a lock-up immediately. Engineering Division, construct a lock-up based on Arthur Daley blueprints. Build it Southeast of the River Slutch. Have a conning tower overlook it and detach a maniacal section to guard them.