Twaddle Good friends ! Good friends and fellow Englishmen , now has come the moment you have all been waiting for ; the appointment to the most important post of all , that of - ‘ Head of B . O . G .’ B . O . G . - is the abbreviation for : British Officers and Gentlemen , an establishment destined to become the vortex of a great movement back to Tudor values . Pickles ' What a great load of mindless old crap ', I shouted out , much to my own amazement . Gallowsbird pointed a big finger in my direction : Gallowsbird What was that , Pickles ? Pickles ' What a great load of my mind , old chap , I replied ', my knees trembling slightly . Tucker You ' ll have ta shut that trap o ' yours , Pickles or stan yer grun when yiv said somethin . Pickles What odds Twaddle gives the job to himself ? I tried to change the subject . Snipes ‘ No bet .’ Twaddle
The gentleman I have finally put my trust in , is of the highest calibre , a brave man of dignity , honour and grace ; not to mention sex appeal . He is , I give you : Myself ! MISTER MARMADUKE TWADDLE , better known to his friends as ‘ The Duke .’ Tucker Uh ! Surprise ! Surprise ! That man ’ s no on this planet , ya ken ? Snipes We shall have to bring him back to Earth with a bump then , preferably a severe bump . Tucker Aye , I heard that yer lettin yer own name go fort ? Snipes As head of that B . O . G . nonsense ? Tucker Nay , fer the Sleazers in the Cork Ward . Snipes That ' s as maybe . Pickles Meanwhile , up on the cart , another tatty brown paper bag appeared . Twaddle made a great fuss of opening it and then pretended to be astonished at what he found - a brown scooped cap . He handed the cap to Olaf Gallowsbird to perform the ‘ crowning ceremony ’. But , just as he bent his head reverently to receive it , Cecil Cretin shouted at him : Cretin Good friends again ? Good friends again Duke ? Good friends , you and me ? Pickles Just as the man with the fat ass turned to look at Cretin , Olaf Gallowsbird ‘ crowned ’ him When he arose , the brown , scooped cap was on back to front , but he didn ’ t know it . When the crowd saw the spectacle all hell broke loose . The Tinker Street Non-subscribing , Salvation Army Band struck up again with a rendering of Silent Night . The Cidermen hooted , cheered and pranced about throwing their chipped , enamel , shaving mugs in the air . A withered old hag , by the name of Lizzie Juggins mounted the cart shrieking and hollering . She grabbed hold of the self-appointed leader with the fat ass and brown scooped cap , lifted her skirts and jigged him around the ‘ stage ’. Juggins Givus a wee surp , givus a surp of yer cider , Fat Bum . Givus a tin with a wee surp of cider in it . Pickles This was certainly not the image the ‘ Duke ' was trying to create . Twaddle swore and pushed her unto her backside over one of the beer-crates . The old cart swayed , rocked and finally rolled over dumping the