Twaddle He is my very respectful colleague - MISTER OLAF GALLOWSBIRD ! Pickles Cretin sat down on a beer crate , utterly dejected . Gallowsbird came forward and accepted Twaddle ’ s outstretched hand and was handed a grubby little brown paper bag tied up with a length of bailer-twine . He opened it to find a bright yellow shirt with three stripes sewed on each sleeve . He didn ’ t look all that pleased to me . But the man with the fat ass ignored it and got on with the next appointment : Twaddle It is with equal pleasure I announce my selection to head up another newly incorporated order : P . I . S ., which is an abbreviation for , Patriotic Intelligence Service . Pickles Again Cecil Cretin stepped forward , with the smile of anticipation on his little poxy face . But Marmaduke Twaddle announced : Twaddle Here to take charge of that order is my trusted friend - MISTER DAVY BRUDDER . Pickles Sadly , Cretin crawled back to his beer crate ; the newly decorated man opened his grubby little brown paper parcel . He pulled out a grey shirt covered in crow ’ s feet . In all fairness , it did have stripes on the sleeves . Brudder I ’ m not wearing that you fat pig . Where did you get it ; Plonkton Prison stores ? Pickles The little man with the fat ass tried to recover the situation : Twaddle It will be all right on the night , friend . I shall ask my aunt to remove the offending print . Everyone ! Give a big round of applause for MISTER DAVY BRUDDER . Pickles Cretin then jumped up and snatched the shirt from Brudder . Cretin I will wear the shirt . I will wear the shirt with pride . Twaddle Piss off , I shall not warn you again ! Pickles The man with the mop of ginger hair stepped off the cart in a huff . Twaddle Hand out the cider mugs ! Distribute the cider ! Pickles The little man with the fat ass commanded , trying to cover up his embarrassment . A big cardboard box was handed up to Olaf Gallowsbird . He opened it and dozens of chipped , enamel shaving mugs clattered unto the floor of the cart . An old wooden cask of cider was then hoisted up and Gallowsbird stuck an axe through the
top of it . He dipped the shaving mugs into the cloudy liquor and handed it around his Cidermen . Within minutes the cart was a sodden , sloppy mess . Marmaduke went to all four corners of the cart and made signs over the heads of the Cidermen . Wild Will Tucker stepped up and whispered in my ear : Tucker Wudn ’ t ya just ken ! The wee bugger ’ s blissin them . His wee heed ’ s awaa way it . Pickles Twaddle went over to Gallowsbird . Twaddle Have your men call out for me again : ' Our exalted leader ' etceteras . You know : the usual . Gallowsbird What do you think they are : illiterate or summit ? The men won ’ t speak with their gobs full of cider . Twaddle No ! Of course not . Well then , get Billy Gargoyle to beat the drum slowly . Pickles When the Cidermen had their necks full of scrumpy , Gargoyle beat a slow roll on the big drum . Twaddle stuck out his chest , strutted across the cart and picked up the rusty milk jug .