Twaddle He is my very respectful colleague- MISTER OLAF GALLOWSBIRD! Pickles Cretin sat down on a beer crate, utterly dejected. Gallowsbird came forward and accepted Twaddle’ s outstretched hand and was handed a grubby little brown paper bag tied up with a length of bailer-twine. He opened it to find a bright yellow shirt with three stripes sewed on each sleeve. He didn’ t look all that pleased to me. But the man with the fat ass ignored it and got on with the next appointment: Twaddle It is with equal pleasure I announce my selection to head up another newly incorporated order: P. I. S., which is an abbreviation for, Patriotic Intelligence Service. Pickles Again Cecil Cretin stepped forward, with the smile of anticipation on his little poxy face. But Marmaduke Twaddle announced: Twaddle Here to take charge of that order is my trusted friend- MISTER DAVY BRUDDER. Pickles Sadly, Cretin crawled back to his beer crate; the newly decorated man opened his grubby little brown paper parcel. He pulled out a grey shirt covered in crow’ s feet. In all fairness, it did have stripes on the sleeves. Brudder I’ m not wearing that you fat pig. Where did you get it; Plonkton Prison stores? Pickles The little man with the fat ass tried to recover the situation: Twaddle It will be all right on the night, friend. I shall ask my aunt to remove the offending print. Everyone! Give a big round of applause for MISTER DAVY BRUDDER. Pickles Cretin then jumped up and snatched the shirt from Brudder. Cretin I will wear the shirt. I will wear the shirt with pride. Twaddle Piss off, I shall not warn you again! Pickles The man with the mop of ginger hair stepped off the cart in a huff. Twaddle Hand out the cider mugs! Distribute the cider! Pickles The little man with the fat ass commanded, trying to cover up his embarrassment. A big cardboard box was handed up to Olaf Gallowsbird. He opened it and dozens of chipped, enamel shaving mugs clattered unto the floor of the cart. An old wooden cask of cider was then hoisted up and Gallowsbird stuck an axe through the
top of it. He dipped the shaving mugs into the cloudy liquor and handed it around his Cidermen. Within minutes the cart was a sodden, sloppy mess. Marmaduke went to all four corners of the cart and made signs over the heads of the Cidermen. Wild Will Tucker stepped up and whispered in my ear: Tucker Wudn’ t ya just ken! The wee bugger’ s blissin them. His wee heed’ s awaa way it. Pickles Twaddle went over to Gallowsbird. Twaddle Have your men call out for me again: ' Our exalted leader ' etceteras. You know: the usual. Gallowsbird What do you think they are: illiterate or summit? The men won’ t speak with their gobs full of cider. Twaddle No! Of course not. Well then, get Billy Gargoyle to beat the drum slowly. Pickles When the Cidermen had their necks full of scrumpy, Gargoyle beat a slow roll on the big drum. Twaddle stuck out his chest, strutted across the cart and picked up the rusty milk jug.