Pauza Magazine Winter & Spring 2006 | Page 35

P a g e 3 5 P A U 3 A ! Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dinah! April Drools Edition, 2006 Beer Buddy   on the Couch…    If you could have a motto printed in the P4UZ4, what would it be? “Macedonia’s, like, ancient. That’s hot”— Paris Hilton “Never tell me the odds!”— Han Solo “Kip hasn’t done flipping ANYTHING today!” — Napoleon D. “ I made all my generals out of mud” — Napoleon B. “ I want YOU to join Peace Corps!” — Uncle Sam “ Yo, homes; smell ya later!” — Fresh Prince of Bel-Air “SIRIUS NEVER DIED!!” — Rabid Harry Potter fangirl “Don’cha wish your gf wuz hott like me? — a Pussycat Doll “RRRAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHH!” — King Kong “Can you help me reach the Southern Oracle?” — Atreyu “Macedonia, really!...Where’s that?” - assorted U.S. friends “Can you unlock the gate for me?” — A PCV @ the office The SHOCKING TRUTH about PC Africa!! (Undisclosed Source) - A brave EMA PCV travelled to darkest Africa last December and while on safari discovered the harsh reality of the life of an African PCV. Contrary to popular fact, there doesn’t seem to be any logical sectors. “While staying with a PCV in Cameroon, I found out that she’s a research assistant to a veterinarian. And this isn’t any vet...she cares for DINOSAURS!”, our source reports. “Most of the PCVs scattered throughout the jungle have been trained in how to handle sudden Velociraptor attacks, or throw off the scent of a stalking Tyrannosaur,” the unnamed volunteer explains. “Not too many people know this, but the PCVs that are sent to Central Africa go through additional training once in-country, similar to that of the Navy SEALS.” “In actuality, the training lasts so long that they only get around 5 months of real work done at site—and most of it consists of trying to avoid death…” lamely adds our informant. What does the “actual work” entail (ha, ha...tail!) ? “Oh, many things, such as collecting detailed research for the FBI and securing airlift procedures for the animals’ departure to Area 51 (and you thought that involved spacecraft…).” ???? ? ????????, ??? Unfortunately for the EMA PCV, she has been administratively evacuated by PCHQ, and is undergoing brainwashing procedures by the Powers That Be in D.C. I managed to swipe her diary before she took off, so let’s this just be a secret between us, okay? Well, and Hollywood... K i s s e s