underneath the surface . Plus , asking questions can help you understand exactly what they ' re talking about when it comes to the subject and how they feel on the topic .
Even simple questions , such as " Why do you say that ?" can help you figure out what ’ s under the surface .
Agree , and then provide your counterpoint of view . One way to argue with someone who thinks they know everything is to first side with them , or at least admit you understand their side . After you agree , you can present a counterargument .
For instance , you might say , " I understand what you ' re saying . It ' s an interesting point , but here ' s what I think ..."
You could also say something like , " Thanks for helping me understand your side . I can see where you ' re coming from . My point of view is a bit different ..."
Make your discussion non-threatening . If you say your points in a threatening way , the other person will likely shut down . However , if you present your side by couching it in less threatening language , the other person is more likely to listen .
For example , instead of saying , " I am definitely right ," you could say , " Well , what I ' ve read is this ... "
Instead of saying , " Here ' s the right point of view ...," you might say , " Maybe there ' s another side to the story ..."
Move the conversation away from direct confrontations . Sometimes , when you confront a person with direct advice in a discussion , they just shut down and don ' t listen , just like when you make a discussion in a threatening way . In this case , you may be offering advice or a solution , only the person can ' t hear what you ' re saying .
You may find that asking a person leading questions is a better way to get them thinking in a different direction than a direct confrontation .
For instance , you might say , " Oh , what makes you think that ?" instead of " That sounds wrong to me ." Instead of " That ' s not right at all ," you could say , " Have you ever thought about ...?"
Keeping the Conversation Calm
Don ' t escalate . It can be tempting in any discussion to escalate . Emotions get in the way , and you both get angry . You let your tempers get the best of you , and the discussion
Before diving into a discussion with a know-it-all , it ' s important to think about what you ' re willing to lose . That is , think about how important the relationship is to you and how important the discussion is to you . No matter how careful you are , engaging in a discussion can damage a relationship .
devolves into throwing insults back and forth or yelling at each other . Escalation is a particular problem when arguing with a know-it-all because it ' s likely to get on your last nerve . However , if you ' re going to get anywhere , you have to keep your head .
If you feel yourself getting heated , take a moment to take a deep breath . It ' s even a good idea to ask to come back to the discussion later , so you can continue when more calm .
Uncross your arms . Your body language says as much about what you ' re feeling as what you ' re saying . If your body language says you ' re closed off to discussion , the person you ' re talking with isn ' t going to feel as comfortable engaging with you . Uncross your arms and legs , and face the person with your body . Also , be sure to make eye contact , so the person knows you ' re listening .
Open your mind to their side . That is , even “ know-it-alls ” have to be right sometimes . When you ' re engaging in a discussion , you have to be willing to admit you ' re wrong sometimes . Otherwise , the discussion won ’ t go anywhere .
Know when - and how - to walk away . Sometimes , you ' ll realize that no one is going to " win " the discussion . At that point , it ' s best to just end it . However , you still want to appear non-threatening , or else the other person will still want to keep arguing .
You could end with , " Well , I can see we ' re not getting anywhere . I guess we ' ll just have to agree to disagree ."
You could also say , " I ' m sorry to see we ' re not getting any closer to agreeing on this subject . Maybe we can try again some other time ."
Dr . Clifford J . Ferguson is the Managing Partner of Rainmakers , and Board Member of Glad ’ s House Kenya . You can commune with him on this or related matters via email at : Drcliffordjferguson @ me . com