OH! Magazine - Australian Version January 2014 (Australian Version) | Page 23

weeks after the miscarriage, it’s normal for
her to feel that it’s still happening.
Your partner is also likely to be in a raw
emotional state. She might have formed a
special relationship with the growing baby.
She could have done little things like
patting her tummy or speaking to her baby.
Simply being there for your partner by
listening and giving her ‘a shoulder to cry
on’ is often what women want most from
their partners.

Caring for her, caring for yourself
Some men feel as though they have to
hide what they’re going through in order
to be there for their partner. But you both
need time and support.
Try and make time to do activities you
both enjoy, like something you usually
find relaxing or rewarding as a couple.
This can help nurture your relationship
and create some positive feelings.
“I suppose I could never understand
that physical loss, to have life inside
you and then to lose it. To somehow
feel partially responsible even though
you’re not. My wife was ‘to the book’
– she didn’t touch alcohol, and she
geared her diet so strictly. To this day I
still don’t feel that I was able to do
enough for her. – Marcus, father of one

Trying for another pregnancy
If you don’t feel like talking, you could
consider sharing it in writing.

Supporting your partner
“The only thing I thought was just to
let my wife take her time with the
grieving process instead of trying to
rush it and be overly positive – which I
think you tend to do as the husband or
the partner. In a relationship, you tend
to really focus on the positive straight
away.” – Marcus, father of one

Although miscarriage is a loss for both of
you, it happened physically to your partner.
If your partner keeps bleeding for days or

You or your partner might be keen to start
trying to get pregnant again. You could
also feel pressure from family, friends or
colleagues about trying for another baby.
Grieving and recovery don’t happen
overnight, and the process is different for
everyone. If you try again straight away,
your grief might be put ‘on hold’ as you
focus on the new pregnancy.
It could take some time to get pregnant
again. If this happens, any thoughts of
fear, failure and disappointment might get
worse. If you’re using IVF, you might both
need to take some time to build up your
strength before starting another cycle.

Getting help
It might be hard to believe, but eventually
you and your partner will find your way out

of grief. Your life keeps going, but you will
probably be changed – sometimes a lot,
sometimes a little.
If you’ve focused entirely on your
partner, you can take a very positive step
by taking time to explore your own
feelings. Tune into what you’re going
through, and talk with your partner or
someone else you trust about it.
If you or your partner feel you aren’t coping
or are feeling depressed, you might need
professional help. See your GP or a counsellor.
You could also call Mensline on 1300
978 789 or the Bereavement Information
and Referral Service on 786 664 1300.
“People tend to forget the male
partner. When somebody has two or
three miscarriages, it’s the woman who
breaks down. She starts crying and
she’s very upset. Sometimes women
end up with psychological problems.
But not many people look into the
effect it has on the male partner. –
Male obstetrician and father

This information is sourced from: raisingchildren.
net.au/dads_guide_pregnancy/dads_guide_to_
pregnancy.html
Supported by the Australian Government, Raising
Children Network is the complete Australian
resource for expectant parents, and parents of
newborns to teens. Visit raisingchildren.net.au or
connect on Facebook (facebook.com/
RaisingChildrenNetwork), Twitter (www.twitter.com/
RCN_AUS) and Google Plus (plus.google.
com/+raisingchildren).

Things you can do 
• If you need to tell your story or share what
you’re going through, ask for the support of
trusted friends and family.
• If you feel you’re not coping, you’re feeling
depressed or your relationship is under a lot
of stress, see your GP, a counsellor or a
community spiritual leader, if you have one.
• Give yourself permission to feel what
you’re feeling. Grief isn’t a hurdle to get
over or something that will go away if you
ignore it. It’s an individual process that
happens over time.
• Say yes to practical help from others – you
don’t have to go it alone.

( OH! MAGAZINE ) ISSUE 6

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