we are getting reward. So we
have to understand that this is
why Imam Ghazzali v said
that this world is like water and
you are a boat. Keep it below
you and you will sail on it. But
if you let it come inside you,
then you will drown and destroy
yourself. This is how we have to
maintain the balance.
Keep the balance of the qualities
which Allah has given you,
all qualities. If they are directed
towards the right direction, they
are good. And if they are kept
under the balance of Sharia
and of the Quran and Sunnah
(example of Prophet ) then
they are good. But if the balance
is disturbed then they destroy us.
So that is why the scholars say
how do we do that? This is the
question. Because we all want to
have the perfect character. That
is what Allah has told us, that
we have to perfect our character,
noble our character. How do we
do that?
The scholars have said that
character is something that is
in you, naturally. But if it is
not naturally there, how do you
bring it naturally? The answer
to that is that you make it your
habit, forcefully. For example a
person knows that alcohol is
not good. Forcefully somebody
will give him a drink. He will
drink it, but he does not like it.
The first time it will not taste
good. The second time, come
on, do it, do it, force it, force it.
So he says ‘Ok I will drink it
one more time.’ Three times, five
times, seven times. He becomes
an alcoholic and now he enjoys
it! Now nobody needs to force
him, naturally he goes to the
store, gets a bottle of wine and
he drinks it. So an evil quality
when put forcefully, can become
your habit. Then why cannot a
good quality be put forcefully
and that will become your habit.
am not going to get angry. I am
not going to say anything.’
If you think that your quwwat
of shahwat is imbalanced. Let’s
say you are stingy. You forcefully
tell yourself, I have to give
charity. You will not like it in
the first ten, twenty or thirty
times maybe but then as you
keep doing it, it will become
The second thing is that,
you should take help from
friends. Like Hazrat Umar
used to say, that I make dua
(supplication) for that person
who shows me my faults. What
do we do? Somebody tells us
our faults, we start hating that
person. ‘Oh he doesn’t look at
himself and I look bad to him.’
Our husbands might say that
I have noticed you are getting
angry nowadays and our reply is
‘Yeah have you seen your sister,
what she does?’. The Prophet
says that when Allah wants
good for somebody then this
is a sign that he blessed that
your habit and once it becomes
your habit it will naturally start
occurring from you. And when
it naturally starts occurring
from you, it becomes your
character. Then your character
will become generous. Similarly,
you get angry. Force yourself, ‘I
person with a friend who will
remind him when he forgets. It
is a blessing because they want
our good, and that is why they
are showing us that there is
something wrong in us. So learn
from your friends. Ask them,
and if they give you an honest
45 NISBAH