So she opens the door up some more and it's this guy who she would have projects with in class and I... was always curious as to why she would talk to me about him so much and got to the point where I asked her if she liked him and she said that I "wouldn't have to worry about him."
So, we're in the stairwell of the apartment, just me and her, and I'm basically.... just confused as to why after four years that something would end this way, but I guess, when it comes to hearbreak, you just never expect it and it can come in all forms.
So, we were talking in the stairwell and we basically just decided, I mean, that it was obviously over. So then I had another idea of be calm or be crazy, so I walked up to the apartment and I walk inside, I walked up to the dude, and I said, "Have a good night," and then I shook his hand and I left.
God, that's heavy.
Yeah.
Did it hurt?
Yeah, it hurt a lot. I didn't... it was the kind of hurt that... I didn't even cry about it. I just... completely shut myself down for months.
But yeah...
What'd you do to get better?
Uhh, I put myself... I just got back out into being social because when I was dating her, it was usually just me and her and we would occasionally hang out with other friends but I never made great attempts to have my own group of friends, I just had individual friends that I would occasionally go and see. Most of which where friends who she didn't particularly care for but.... you know... so I just got back out into the world and started to be social.. went on hikes and asked people out on coffee dates, and not even in a sexual manner, just like... trying to get... I was trying to escape from... facing the pain from what had happened by involving myself with other people.... so I guess by... trying to do... whatever.... appealed to me with someone else. Or even travelling too.
There, after... that whole situation happened, I actually was pushed out of my apartment... because they were raising the rent, so I was living out of my car for about 6 months after that... and I figured if I don't have a house and I don't have to pay rent, but I'm still working, then I can just go wherever the fuck I want. So for about a month and a half straight, I went to Santa Barbara for a few weekends, I went to Chico for a few weekends, uhhh... just wherever I wanted to go, I would just drive 'cause I had nowhere to sleep.
Dang... Did it make you happy?
Yeah, I mean, I just wanted to go anywhere where she wasn't.