Here’ s the point: For a woman, hormones can mean she feels like having lots of sex at a particular time, rather than sex all of the time.
And to avoid the questions I’ m likely to get on my website, let me tell you exactly when that“ particular time” is. It has to do with a neurochemical called Oxytocin, often referred to as the bonding hormone. It spikes right before ovulation, a time when most women are in the mood. And here’ s some really good news. According to Daniel G. Amen, MD, a psychiatrist, brain imaging specialist, and author of Sex on the Brain, oxytocin also helps dull your wife’ s memory of your annoying traits( like your dirty socks on the floor). In other words, this is also when she is likely to feel most attracted to you.
A Woman’ s Sex Drive Can Be More Easily Distracted
Okay. So you’ ve given your wife“ the look.” It says,“ Let’ s go!” You’ re ready to rumble. She gets the message but says,“ I’ ll come to bed right after I fold this laundry” … or“ make the kids’ lunch for tomorrow” … or“ take out the recycling.” I know. I understand. You can’ t imagine doing any of those things yourself if your wife were to give you“ the look.” You’ re ready to go. Now. So why isn’ t she? The reason is not that men want sex more than women; it’ s that men are often able to get aroused more quickly and sexually ready than women. This is critically important to understand. I’ m not only talking about foreplay once you are between the sheets. That’ s a given. I’ m talking about initiating sex, being ready to even enter the bedroom with sex on your mind.
Allow me to reiterate: women, unlike men, do not separate sex from the emotional aspects of the relationship. Women want a sense of connection that is experienced for more than an hour before approaching the sexual starting line. But they also don’ t want anything distracting them from it once their sexual engine is about to be turned on. That’ s why they take more care than we do to go through their mental check list. They need to be sure the kids are in bed, the door is locked, the shades are shut, and so on. They don’ t want any loose ends keeping them from focusing on sex once you get started.
According to brain scan research, women ' s brains are naturally more active than men ' s, even during sex. The reason: lower levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. " Dopamine creates the desire to go after a reward-‐-‐ in this case, an orgasm," explains Anita Clayton, MD, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Virginia. ii You’ re more likely to have more Dopamine than your wife and that’ s why you’ re more goal-‐ oriented when it comes to sex – less distracted.
It’ s a fact. Your wife is far more vulnerable to distraction from sex than you are and that can keep her sexual engine from starting when you want it to. But don’ t discount her sex drive because of it. It’ s just different than yours. If she has an unfinished task, let her finish it. Better yet, help her finish it. You’ ll be amazed how her libido picks up steam and you’ ll be pleased to see how fully present she is while you’ re making love. An undistracted woman, given time to rev up her sexual engine, will be far more“ into it” than a woman who feels pressured and duty-‐ bound to be ready to go at a moment’ s notice.