Here ’ s the point : For a woman , hormones can mean she feels like having lots of sex at a particular time , rather than sex all of the time .
And to avoid the questions I ’ m likely to get on my website , let me tell you exactly when that “ particular time ” is . It has to do with a neurochemical called Oxytocin , often referred to as the bonding hormone . It spikes right before ovulation , a time when most women are in the mood . And here ’ s some really good news . According to Daniel G . Amen , MD , a psychiatrist , brain imaging specialist , and author of Sex on the Brain , oxytocin also helps dull your wife ’ s memory of your annoying traits ( like your dirty socks on the floor ). In other words , this is also when she is likely to feel most attracted to you .
A Woman ’ s Sex Drive Can Be More Easily Distracted
Okay . So you ’ ve given your wife “ the look .” It says , “ Let ’ s go !” You ’ re ready to rumble . She gets the message but says , “ I ’ ll come to bed right after I fold this laundry ” … or “ make the kids ’ lunch for tomorrow ” … or “ take out the recycling .” I know . I understand . You can ’ t imagine doing any of those things yourself if your wife were to give you “ the look .” You ’ re ready to go . Now . So why isn ’ t she ? The reason is not that men want sex more than women ; it ’ s that men are often able to get aroused more quickly and sexually ready than women . This is critically important to understand . I ’ m not only talking about foreplay once you are between the sheets . That ’ s a given . I ’ m talking about initiating sex , being ready to even enter the bedroom with sex on your mind .
Allow me to reiterate : women , unlike men , do not separate sex from the emotional aspects of the relationship . Women want a sense of connection that is experienced for more than an hour before approaching the sexual starting line . But they also don ’ t want anything distracting them from it once their sexual engine is about to be turned on . That ’ s why they take more care than we do to go through their mental check list . They need to be sure the kids are in bed , the door is locked , the shades are shut , and so on . They don ’ t want any loose ends keeping them from focusing on sex once you get started .
According to brain scan research , women ' s brains are naturally more active than men ' s , even during sex . The reason : lower levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine . " Dopamine creates the desire to go after a reward -‐-‐ in this case , an orgasm ," explains Anita Clayton , MD , clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Virginia . ii You ’ re more likely to have more Dopamine than your wife and that ’ s why you ’ re more goal -‐ oriented when it comes to sex – less distracted .
It ’ s a fact . Your wife is far more vulnerable to distraction from sex than you are and that can keep her sexual engine from starting when you want it to . But don ’ t discount her sex drive because of it . It ’ s just different than yours . If she has an unfinished task , let her finish it . Better yet , help her finish it . You ’ ll be amazed how her libido picks up steam and you ’ ll be pleased to see how fully present she is while you ’ re making love . An undistracted woman , given time to rev up her sexual engine , will be far more “ into it ” than a woman who feels pressured and duty -‐ bound to be ready to go at a moment ’ s notice .