Let’s
say
your
wife
spoke
harshly
to
you
because
you
left
your
dirty
socks
on
the
floor.
You
felt
she
overreacted.
You’re
perturbed.
Maybe
even
angry.
A
few
minutes
pass
and
she
walks
into
your
den
wearing
nothing
but
a
string
of
pearls
around
her
neck
and
high
heeled
shoes.
Now
tell
me,
are
you
going
to
punish
her
by
withholding
sex
because
she
hollered
at
you
just
minutes
earlier
about
your
dirty
socks?
I
don’t
even
need
to
hear
your
answer.
But
you
probably
need
to
hear
your
wife’s
answer
when
the
roles
are
reversed.
Why?
Because
unresolved
emotional
issues,
even
little
ones,
are
at
the
root
of
some
low
libidos
for
women.
Resentment,
unexpressed
anger,
and
hurt
feelings
can
lead
some
women
to
withhold
sex.
Maybe
she’s
too
upset
with
you
to
let
you
touch
her.
Maybe
she’s
hoping
that
rejecting
you
sexually
will
send
a
message
that
she
either
can’t
bring
herself
to
say
or
can’t
seem
to
get
across
no
matter
how
often
she
says
it.
Maybe
she’s
simply
punishing
you.
Is
it
right?
Nope.
Is
it
fair?
No
way.
Is
it
healthy?
Of
course
not.
But
it’s
a
common
occurrence
and
it
rarely
registers
with
men.
Say,
for
example,
she
feels
taken
for
granted
because
you
don’t
help
around
the
house
as
much
as
she’d
like.
She
thinks
“If
he
isn’t
doing
something
for
me,
why
should
I
have
sex
with
him?”
Now,
of
course
you’d
probably
never
dream
of
depriving
yourself
of
sex
in
order
to
punish
your
wife,
but
women
are
wired
differently.
She
can
put
her
libido
on
hold
until
she
regains
the
“emotional
assurance”
that
tells
her
you’re
on
her
team.
Women
Are
More
“Hormonal”
than
Men
When
you’re
feeling
frisky
and
your
wife
has
a
“headache,”
she
may
actually
have
a
headache!
Chances
are
it
has
nothing
to
do
with
your
sexual
desirability
to
her.
And
if
you’re
hearing
“I’m
not
in
the
mood”
when
you
want
to
hear
“meet
me
in
the
bedroom”
whispers
from
your
wife,
it
may
be
because
her
mood
is
being
determined
by
her
hormones.
Again,
it’s
likely
to
have
nothing
to
do
with
your
sexual
attractiveness.
Biological
changes
are
far
more
likely
to
sap
her
libido
than
they
are
to
sap
yours.
When
was
the
last
time
you
weren’t
“in
the
mood”?
Is
your
memory
failing
you
on
this
one?
If
so,
that’s
because,
if
you’re
like
most
men,
you
can
generally
get
in
the
mood
at
the
drop
of
a
hat
(or
any
other
article
of
clothing).
You’re
typically
not
battling
a
surge
of
hormones
that
cause
you
to
question
your
body
image
or
your
wife’s
acceptance
of
you.
And,
let’s
be
honest,
we
don’t
have
to
deal
with
“that
time
of
the
month,”
and
all
the
hormonal
mood
swings
that
can
come
with
it.
Not
to
mention
the
physical
cramping.
When
she
turns
you
down
because
she’s
“too
tired,”
it’s
most
likely
true.
Getting
some
shut-‐eye
can
sound
a
whole
lot
better
than
getting
some
action
when
your
hormones
are
going
berserk.
Now,
you
and
I,
as
men,
think
“Well,
you’d
drift
off
to
sleep
a
lot
easier
if
you
first
had
a
feel-‐good
orgasm.”
That’s
true,
for
men.
But
then
(as
we’ll
see
more
fully
in
another
chapter)
sex
doesn’t
begin
with
getting
naked
for
a
woman.
It
takes
more
time
and
work
than
that.
We
are
so
prone
to
attribute
her
“lack
of
desire”
to
be
an
overarching
condition
that
pervades
the
entire
relationship
when
the
truth
is
that
she
can
be
very
motivated
sexually
–
when
her
hormones
aren’t
taking
her
on
an
emotional
roller
coaster
ride.