IT TAKES TWO
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day to help with after-school transportation to music lessons or sports practices , or to attend every athletic event of our daughters . I know that asking him to do so will complicate his day and add to his stress . I am thankful that my schedule has more flexibility , as this has been crucial for the relative peace of our family life . I am grateful for family and friends on whom we have relied over the years to help navigate the inherent transportation web that begins in preschool and continues until kids reach driving age .
Life with two teenagers can be unpredictable and comes with the ups and downs of raising children into adults , so it has been a priority to create protected family time . For us , family vacations ( with Patrick purposefully leaving his cell phone at home ) are an important time to renew bonds that can grow hazy in the midst of our busy routine . Some of our favorite trips have been hiking in Zion National Park , or closer to home such as hiking in Red River Gorge . This concentrated family time creates a bank of happy memories that sustains us when the inevitable grind of daily life returns .
Our daily lives are filled with so much structure that when rare unscheduled time surfaces , we are very content to be home-bodies and settle in with a movie and homemade pizza . Conversely , we understand each other ’ s need to have time away from family responsibilities . I have been lucky enough to build time for myself into my weekly routine . I sing with my church ’ s choir on a weekly basis , and I make time for exercise . These activities clear my head and are necessary for me to be a better communicator both at home and at work . Also integral in helping me navigate life is my “ tribe ,” as Michelle Obama calls it , of strong female friendships and family relationships .
Throughout the stresses of work and family , connecting with Patrick on a daily basis , in the same manner our friendship began , sustains me . I know that he intimately understands the highs and lows of all facets of my life . Despite his long hours ( with his dinner usually close to the time when my day is winding down ), he has unending patience to listen to my daily recount of my day , and he helps me see solutions that I might not have seen myself .
photo credit : Jeff Ivory Photography
Figuring out what to expect from one ’ s self and one ’ s spouse continues to evolve as we grow older . Keeping these expectations realistic , with respect to where we both are in life , has been essential in our married life . On our wedding day , Pastor Vic Priebe ( father of our classmate , Dr . Phil Priebe ) of Calvin Presbyterian Church gave us a plaque with a poem written by Kahlil Gibran inscribed on it . After 22 years of marriage , the advice still resonates soundly .
In Your Life Together Let there be spaces in your togetherness . Let the winds of heaven dance between you . Love one another , but make not a bond of love ; let it rather be a moving sea between you .
Sing and dance together and be joyous ; but let each of you be alone . Even the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music .
Stand together , yet not too near together , for the pillars of the temple stand apart . And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other ’ s shadow .
Dr . Anna Hayden is a Partner at Associates in Dermatology and is a Clinical Assistant Professor at the University of Louisville , Division of Dermatology . She also served as President of the Kentucky Dermatological Association , 2022 .
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