“ The way we choose to see our friends , our conflicts , and ourselves matters .”
experienced .
Some people don ’ t know how to maintain long-distance friendships .
My family has moved a million times , and I was forced early in life to learn how to maintain long-distance friendships . My friend Julie recently reminded me that when I was a preteen and my family moved from Atlanta to Boston , I used to record audio messages on cassette tapes and mail them home . Julie and I maintained our friendship ; however , I have tried to remain connected with other friends and gotten little response . I used to feel hurt by this and wonder if I ’ d done something wrong , but in most cases , I ’ ve realized : They just don ’ t know how to do this . In their mind , a move automatically severs friendships — it ’ s in town or nothing . It ’ s not personal ; it ’ s just their way .
Adopting this lens has protected my heart from hurt , bitterness , and from making a friend ’ s weakness about me . If you ’ ve lost some friendships after a move , this lens may prove redemptive .
Some people are “ out of sight , out of mind ” friends .
Out of sight , out of mind friends may live in the same town as you , but they basically fall off the planet during busy seasons of school , work , or kids . When you ’ re with them in person , you feel totally loved and close , but when you ’ re not together for a little while , they sort of . . . vanish .
I understand people like this much better since marrying an out of sight , out of mind person . ( I ’ m busting my husband here with his permission .) Kevin deeply loves all people — but he is extremely present in his daily life . It ’ s a great gift , but it can also be a challenge when life gets busy , or people are no longer in his daily happenings . He doesn ’ t mean to neglect those friendships ; he ’ s just mentally , emotionally , and spiritually engaged right where he is .
“ The way we choose to see our friends , our conflicts , and ourselves matters .”
Adopting this lens may help you to feel less hurt by an out of sight , out of mind friend . You ’ re not saying the way they treated you was loving or good , but at least you realize they weren ’ t deliberately being cruel or selfish . I ’ ve found that I just have to adjust my expectations . We probably won ’ t be best friends , but we can still be friends .
Some friendships are seasonal .
The picture pops up in my Instagram feed , and my heart catches . How have her kids gotten so tall ?! Surprise gives way to a surge of guilt : I ’ ve been a bad friend to her . But then — it ’ s not like she ’ s called either . Guilt twists into insecurity : Wait , why hasn ’ t she called in so long ?
I ponder the friendship for a while until truth sets in : this friend and I relied on each other a great deal during a difficult season in our lives . After a few years , God ushered us both
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