The Insecure Pastor
Noe Garcia
Have you ever had a thorn in your life ? Something that tormented you , something that nagged you and wouldn ’ t go away no matter how much you prayed . Something you prayed for God to remove , only to be met with , “ My grace is sufficient ”? I have .
The pastorate provides fertile soil for thorns to grow . My thorn has always been insecurity . It torments me . It harasses me . It breaks me . I am addicted to people pleasing and being liked . My fear is that I am not enough for people and I don ’ t meet their expectations . I am terrified of people not liking me because my leadership or preaching doesn ’ t measure up . Insecurity often paralyzes me . I find myself analyzing everything I say or do . I spend too much time trying to read facial expressions to see if I ’ m being accepted .
The truth is I don ’ t feel smart enough , strong enough , or wise enough . I simply don ’ t feel like I ’ m enough . So insecurity beats me up .
Every Sunday , about fifteen minutes before our worship service starts , you can find me hugging the toilet getting ready to vomit . The fear of failure and my insecurity in preaching are so strong that I have extreme anxiety . I ’ ve prayed , and I ’ ve prayed , and I ’ ve prayed , but God doesn ’ t remove the thorn .
Do You Plan on Your Preaching Getting Any Deeper ?
I will never forget those words . I felt like I had been punched in the gut .
I was five weeks into my first pastorate and thought it would be a great idea to host
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