“ Love isn ’ t complicated , but sometimes we are .”
When there is complication in love , it ’ s usually the work that we still need to do on ourselves that ’ s getting in the way . The more complicated love gets , the clearer it becomes that we need to take action .
I like doing intensive workshops as part of my therapy practice . In a workshop I get to spend a couple of days with someone rather than just an hour . Workshops are about more than just key takeaways and PowerPoint presentations ; they ’ re about doing . Change happens when we do something . In the doing we find that change comes easily because it has to .
For instance , how many of us , really , are confused about what it takes to eat healthy ? We know . For sure , there are some nuances involved , but if we were to sit down to write out a plan for losing some weight , most of us could . We know that to lose weight , we need to eat fruits , vegetables , protein , and less sugar , and get some exercise . The problem is our unwillingness to take action .
In my practice , many times a client will discuss a behavior with a great deal of insight about what they need to do to change it . Some might say that they simply need to delete an app on their phone . And so I invite the client to delete the app right then and there . I could probably count on one hand how many times a client has actually done so .
If you ’ re like me , you may have fantasized about someone swooping in to solve all your problems or create a perfect life that you only have to walk into . For some reason , although it seems ridiculous to me as I type this , this kind of reality always seems like a viable option to me , as if , like winning the lottery , all of a sudden everything would get easier and I ’ d feel great . But life and love don ’ t work that way .
When love gets complicated , it ’ s tempting to hope for an instant fix , but that isn ’ t practical . What is practical is to identify what you need to do and then to move toward that goal . The goal doesn ’ t have to be flashy or perfectly packaged . It just needs to be something we can act on .
I think often of a friend of mine who has had a lot of success in life . He has worked very hard and been otherwise frugal but has always dreamed of owning a Ferrari . So one day I got a call from my friend . “ Jason , can I pick you up for a drive ?” This was a bit odd since no one has picked me up for a drive since the Sadie Hawkins dance in tenth grade , but I agreed anyway .
“ Love isn ’ t complicated , but sometimes we are .”
When my friend came over , he pulled up in a 1990s Ferrari . It looked like something out of the old television show Magnum PI . The car was clearly a bit older , but in pristine condition , and it was , of course , a Ferrari .
How awesome ! I thought as my friend pulled up . I was both jealous of him and excited to go for a ride . But then I walked up to the car and noticed that it was about four inches off
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