we just don’ t think we can handle knowing the truth. Maybe we think that ignoring sin is the same thing as forgiveness. But we need to realize that to make the best quality choices we’ ll need to face the reality of what has happened.
Read John 8:32. It is easy to doubt this passage after the revelation of your spouse’ s sexual sin. It is easy to think, I know the truth now, but I don’ t feel free. I feel weighed down and trapped. Knowledge isn’ t power. It sapped my strength. That may be accurate in the short-term. If it is, that isn’ t a sign of weakness on your part. It is a sign that you’ re human and you care deeply about your marriage. However, we need to realize ignorance is not freedom. Ignorance is fiction. Part of preparing yourself to face your suffering is realizing that knowing the truth is better than living in ignorance, even if the truth is more painful.
A second variety of surrender is explaining away your spouse’ s sin in amoral, blameshifting, or fatalistic categories. There are many versions of this kind of thinking.
• This is just what men / women do.
• I must not have met their needs, so this is my fault.
• Maybe if I had been willing to have more sex or if I were more romantic, this wouldn’ t have happened.
• Maybe I don’ t deserve to have a faithful spouse. After all, I’ m not perfect either.
Reflection: What is your version of these kind of statements?
Read Galatians 5:14 and James 2:8. In our current circumstance, it can be easy to read these verses defensively. We might ask,“ Does loving my neighbor as myself mean I’ m supposed to be prematurely forgiving or overlook this offense?” No. We need to see how loving my neighbor as myself is the antithesis of sexual sin. In sexual sin, people
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